Most days I feel like i’m Truman in “The Truman Show”, only instead of it being a total secret.. I can hear the comments about my life as they happen. I guess my life could also be like a sports game, constant commentary. Everything I do is relayed to me as i’m doing it. Down to the tiniest, most pointless little thing. And especially the embarrassing.
One a side note: You want to stop a nasty habit? Pop yourself out a kid and wait until they get to be a little over 2 years old and they will point it out EVERY time you do it. Can’t get anything past them.
Kids are cute.. mostly, but even the CUTEST thing gets annoying after the billionth time.
Holden has become my life commentator.
He follows me around from room to room.. and says out loud every single thing I am doing as if it’s breaking news. He will tell you exactly what is going on TV shows and commercials. All of his books.. he even speaks in third person about what he’s doing.
I try to make lunch quickly and in peace, just to get it over with so I can get both kids down for a nap and save my sanity.. but Holden can’t let that happen.
“Mommy’s getting jelly! Mayonnaise! Tomato! Vegetables! Milk! BIG milk! Meat!”
“Mommy’s making sandwich! Mommy’s putting mayonnaise on bread! Mommy’s getting crackers!”
YES! Thank you Holden, I know what i’m doing! I don’t need you to confirm!
I appreciate that he’s perceptive and smart and knows all of these objects and actions.. but trust me, once a kid follows you all day EVERY day doing this- not so cute or funny anymore.
And like I said before, it’s not just me.. it’s tv shows, “What’s he doing?? He’s reading a newspaper! What’s he doing? He’s talking to guy!”
Books: “Spongebob’s talking to Patrick! Spongebob’s angry!”
Even himself: “Holden’s JUMPING! Holden’s playing with special big boy toy!”
Ohhh to have a quiet house, for just ONE day, would be so nice.
Or at least to avoid awkward moments in the bathroom.. where Holden is asking me what certain feminine products are- and I absolutely REFUSE to tell him because I know that once I tell Holden what something is ONE time, he’ll remember it for life… and proceed use it to embarrass me in social situations because he doesn’t know any better.
Those are the types of situations i’d like to avoid, but apparently keeping Holden quiet is an impossible task. For now I will have to deal with questions in the bathroom “What IS that? What are you doing” and brush them off with “nothing!!!!”.. when Holden very well knows it’s not nothing, which is why he continues to ask. Ugh.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times