A little attention would be nice

In many past blogs, the lack of attention our pediatrician/pediatrician’s office gives us has been outlined in painstaking detail. Too many patients, not enough doctors, not enough rooms, not enough nurses, not enough TIME in the damn day to deal with everyone they have on their roster. It’s ridiculous, and completely unacceptable. I know, I know, I should have gone and found a new pediatrician- but with EVERYTHING we have been through, all the doctors, specialists, nurses, hospitals & various tests.. finding another doctor and going to yet ANOTHER pointless appointment was and IS the last thing on earth I have the desire to do.

You would THINK with a sick baby, after how long it’s been, how dire it’s been, the weight loss.. the weird negative and positive test results, all the medications.. and the fact that Parker stayed SO sick for SO long- that we would get a good amount of attention. At first, we did. Either Thomas or I was talking to the nurse every single day giving status updates, and she would tell us what to change if anything, what to keep doing, and when/if we needed to come in to have him checked out.
After that RIDICULOUS and POINTLESS and STUPID pulmonologist appointment.. the attention stopped. Completely. This bothers me. A lot.

While Parker may not be coughing and hacking and rattling anymore, he is STILL not eating. He isn’t getting ANY better at all! Not even slightly! There may be a few bottles in a row where he does just ok, but he never has what I would consider a “good” day, and if he has an “ok” day, the next day we’ll be RIGHT back to force feeding him again. There is no steady increase in appetite. Instead it goes up and down and up and down. This does not seem normal to me. He shouldn’t get better and then BAM, worse again. He should get better, and better, and better, until he’s finally normal.

While the pulmonologist might have been a total freaking idiot, the ONE thing she had right was that Parker needed to have his weight checked to make sure he doesn’t go SO far underweight that there is no turning back. And with the decrease in appetite and no change, it’s pretty damn clear that despite our efforts, either he WILL be losing weight or staying at his new tiny stature… if we’re lucky.

So we call the nurse on Wednesday to report all of this to her, since she is who we go through because the pediatrician is just too busy. I figured by Friday we would hear SOMETHING about them wanting him to come in to check up on him. Nope.
Monday comes along and Thomas calls again, and we’re told that our pediatrician has to talk to the pulmonologist to get a full report because STILL they hadn’t received anything from her, and we’d go from there. That we would receive a call directly FROM our pediatrician.
Now it’s Wednesday, and we’ve called AGAIN, Parker has still not improved.. and STILL no returned phone call.

Really? REALLY? No one’s worried about the fact that he lost almost 2 pounds and may not be gaining it back because he STILL won’t eat much without force? And these are ALL doctors who work directly for the Children’s hospital, where we’d be sent if we even attempted to go anywhere else to get yet another diagnosis and no help.
I really feel like- what’s the point anymore? No one’s going to help us, all the weight is on MY shoulders to try and do what I think is best for my child when I have NO idea what that is because he just isn’t improving in his consumption amount.

Seriously want to cut someone.

To cut down on the stress, i’ve been having a mixed drink with dinner just so I won’t freak by the end of the night. Somehow, even though I am a grown adult, this makes me feel guilty. I have plenty of friends who have wine with dinner every night. I’m 26 years old and somehow I still feel like it’s a big no-no to drink on weeknights. Not even to get DRUNK, or even buzzed. Just to relax a little. Just to feel like an adult and give myself a tiny break before the next horrible day starts.

I’d like my kid to just get better and eat normally.. not to have to watch the clock and mark down the feedings to make sure he’s getting an adequate amount and stress myself out so badly that there’s a need to wind down. Two kids don’t stress me out. A whiny toddler and a baby that won’t eat and isn’t gaining weight and seems like he’ll stay in 3-6 month clothing FOREVER stresses me out.
My bucket of stress is literally about to overflow, if it hasn’t already. SIX damn weeks of this crap is enough to make ANYONE snap, even the best, most well-together, most patient calm mother would lose it under this kind of pressure. I am not immune.

Posted on February 17, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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