For the past five weeks, i’ve gone through the entire circle of emotions. Confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, fear, exhaustion, panic.. over and over, it never ends.
I’m to the point now where i’m so drained all I have left is frustration. Everything that has happened and that is still currently going on is completely frustrating.
At least with my sickness, and Holden’s sickness- we can get the boogers out. His in the form of disgusting snot bubbles engulfing his entire face and boogery coughs- although today there was much less of both. With mine, I can easily blow my nose although it doesn’t always seem to want to come out- leaving me so congested I can’t sleep without my mouth open wide enough to catch flies and for spiders to make a nice warm home for the night.
And then Afrin came into my life. I’ve seen commercials.. but commercials can be misleading, because as much as nyquil has helped me in past situations, it’s doing diddly squat this time around- so I needed something to rid my nose of boogers once and for all. It was a $7.00 risk.. but a risk that paid off. Ten seconds after I sprayed that crap up my nose, I could breathe again. My nose was SO clear it stung.
If only I could give Afrin to Parker. That kid is so damn congested it’s ridiculous. You can hear the boogers rattling around when he breathes- but unlike Holden, they won’t come out of his nose to relieve him of the feeling that he can’t get a good breath in. I’m assuming that instead of coming out, all the boogers are going down into his tummy- not only filling him up and making him believe he isn’t hungry (hence the bottle rejection), but making him nauseous.. because i’m sure boogers in the stomach and only boogers isn’t a settling feeling.
So he hacks and coughs and chokes and gags all day long, trying to get that crap out of him. He even poops some out, but not enough for relief.
We actually had to resort to dropper feeding him today because he just refused to suck on a bottle. We got the minimum formula needed to keep him hydrated in his stomach that way, but not a hell of a lot more.. and after he eats is when he hacks the most.
Tonight he puked up formula mixed with snot ALL over the floor after gagging for a good 20 minutes. It is heartwrenching to witness, because there is absolutely NOTHING that can be done to help him. Rocking him? Nope. Patting his back? Nope. Nothing helps.
I keep thinking MAYBE if he pukes up enough boogers, he’ll be hungry and eat.. but no, there are always boogers left rattling around in there and no matter how long he’s been sick he never gets better. Just hovers around the same level of sickness. He might trick me with a bottle where he inhales three ounces.. and then the next one it is a 30 minute struggle to get down half an ounce.
I don’t want the weekend to end because I really don’t want to deal with it by myself again. It’s one thing to have help when Thomas is home.. but it is a clusterfuck of frustration and panic when i’m here alone,trying to force Parker to eat every hour.. and having Holden give me the stink eye and wanting nothing to do with me because now he just assumes I don’t have time for him anymore.
Afrin for babies anyone? The person who creates that will not only have a lifelong customer in me (and fabulous word of mouth), but will most likely become a millionaire. And don’t give me that “saline drops!” crap, those things are a JOKE when it comes to mega-congestion. These sticky thick baby shit green boogers are a serious foe.
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