What does “BOTW” mean you might ask?
Think.. it’s pretty easy once you realize that it’s an abbreviation..
BITCHES OF THE WEEK
And i’m not referring to people (although i’m sure I could make just as long of a list of those), but to events that have happened over the past week that I feel the need to expunge.. to release, before I EXPLODE and end up cutting someone. I’m in a serious cutting mood after the past 7 days. Seriously.
And this blog could sort of be considered to drunk dial of blogs. Well, I mean, technically i’m not drunk (yet, I DESERVE to be damnit!).. but i’m juuuust buzzed and angry enough to unleash my fury upon this here blog. Mmhmm, that’s right. Beware my WRATH!
Although.. i’ve been told my anger is funny to other people, so perhaps my ranting will give you a good chuckle or two. And maybe in.. oohh.. I don’t know.. TEN years, i’ll look back and laugh too (DOUBT IT!)
Let’s start with the obvious!
Rant #1: Parker is STILL NOT EATING. That’s right, folks, he hasn’t eaten a full bottle in over SIX weeks. SIX WEEKS. WHat in the FLYING FART is going on? He’s not coughing, he’s not raspy when he breaths, he has no fever.. no nothing! Yet, his appetite goes from DECENT to absolutely TERRIBLE. A few days this week we had what I would consider “good” days (not normal, but good considering what he HAS been eating).. only for the evening to come along and for him to refuse to eat ANYTHING. Or for me to have to force feed him the ENTIRE next day. There is NO steady stream of improvement. Just back & forth & back & forth. I’m going INSANE! I really don’t know how many more droppers full of formula I can shove down this kid’s throat (which, by the way, he will ONLY swallow if he’s screaming bloody murder. Fun times, those are) without SNAPPING. And NO doctor seems to give a fuck because he’s VERY well hydrated. So he could get down to five pounds and they still wouldn’t give a fuck because he’s wetting over 2 diapers a day (more like 7 or 8 with all this DISGUSTING POOPS).
Rant #2: Holden.. on some days.. makes me wonder why I EVER had children in the first place. “OHHH THATS SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY!” – hey, BITE ME. Two year olds are EVIL. All of them! I don’t care how PERFFFECCTTT you claim your toddler to be.. we all know it’s a big fat lie to make your kid seem better than everyone else. They are ALL EVIL.
Holden pissed his pants THREE TIMES TODAY. THREE!!!! Four if you want to include soaking himself in urine and rolling around in it for an hour during nap time. He has NEVER had so many accidents in one day, not even when he was regressing at his worst. Not even when we FIRST started potty training. WTF HOLDEN?!
Hate to say it, but I blame Parker not eating. That shit’s stressing me out, which Holden can sense, and it stresses HIM out and causes him to piss himself.
Which brings me to:
Rant #3: Parker is almost 5 months old and Holden has STILL not gone back to being potty trained! WHAT IN THE HELL?! FIVE MONTHS OF REGRESSION! I HAAAAAATE REGRESSION!
Oh sure, other than today he never has daytime accidents, but I can’t even REMEMBER the last time he didn’t piss himself during the night.. and about 85% of naps he’s soaking himself in piss and doesn’t even bother getting out of bed to get changed. Just sleeps in it, wakes up when he pleases, and comes running out of his room drenched and wreaking of urine.. and I have to clean that shit up. EVERY DAY. I am so tired of pee. SO TIRED OF PEE.
Rant #4: I realize I never get political on this blog, because it’s just unnecessary. One of those things you don’t bring up unless you know the person you are conversing with agrees with you or it starts a two hour stupid ridiculous halfway uninformed biased debate that you wish you’d never started.. but really, i’m soooooooo sick of people bitching about Obama that I can’t hold back anymore.
YEP, I voted for Obama. That’s right! I wanted Clinton, but that didn’t happen, so I researched Obama before making my decision to vote- and it was a HELL of a lot better than Sarah “humans walked with dinosaurs” Palin and John “i’ll die before my term is up and have NO idea what it’s like to struggle” McCain.
Regardless, Obama IS our president. STOP BITCHING. He was elected by a LARGE majority. And before you get into complaining and whining about how he isn’t doing what he promised, realize that he has to clean up the last 8 years of MESS before he can really make ANY kind of change. If McCain had been elected, it would have been the same thing. NOTHING new can go into action until the mess that was left behind by the Bush administration is cleaned up. Period.
Give the guy a chance before you condemn him, he’s barely been in term for a freaking year and already he’s “failed”. Give me a freaking break. Damn instant gratification society. Government doesn’t work that way. NO government works that way. So move your ass to wherever you’re threatening to move to and shut the hell up. No matter what you wanted, he IS our president. Period. And there’s nothing you can do to change that until his 4 year term is up and you can attempt to vote someone else into office. So let it go.
And something lighter:
Rant #5: COLD WEATHER! Yeah, I said it- COLD WEATHER! SCREW YOU COLD WEATHER! and Screw you stupid groundhog for seeing your stupid shadow! I hate the cold! I hate wind, rain and especially snow and ice. None of it is pleasant. I don’t like bundling myself up and STILL shivering until I pull a freaking muscle. I’d rather be pregnant in the summer time (which i’ve done TWICE and it is far better than freezing). We have a relatively old house with drafty windows and most nights I spend shivering and BEGGING Thomas to cuddle with me (turd won’t do it on his own) so I don’t freeze to death! Somehow OUR room is the coldest in the house. Of course i’d prefer that than one of the kids’.. but it still SUCKS AND I HATE IT!
And my last rant, because I could go on for days is about the winter olympics.
Rant #6: Not only is the winter olympics ruining my primetime watching schedule… but my big rant is about SORE LOSERS. Take Mens figure skating for example. Last night, the American won the gold… and the Russian that got silver is BITCHING more than I have EVER heard in my entire life. GET OVER IT! Oohhh you did a quad! But not even that well! All of your landings were shoddy, your footwork wasn’t that great, and you weren’t even that graceful. The American (who’s last name I can’t spell and won’t attempt) Evan, had a CLEAN performance, amazing footwork, great spins.. all he didn’t do was attempt a quad and i’ve read blogs today saying he has “ruined” figure skating because he took gold and didn’t “attempt” the quad. That even the Chinese skater who ATTEMPTED it and fell on his ass should have placed before Evan for JUST ATTEMPTING it. So basically, what they’re saying.. is that if I myself went into the olympics with NO experience and attempted a quad, I should have placed ABOVE Evan for just trying it. Seriously?? That’s the stupidest thing i’ve ever read! Figure skating isn’t JUST about jumps, it’s the whole package. I felt that Evan and the Russian whose name I can’t spell were almost evenly matched if you consider Evan’s technical ability and the Russian’s difficulty.. it was a matter of performance, and Evan won. LET IT GO. He did not RUIN figure skating because he didn’t do a freaking quad. I didn’t see ONE skater land that thing perfectly, not one.. and when it comes down to it, the winner has to be technically perfect.. and sorry Russian dude, even though you did the quad, you were SLOPPY so you LOSE. Get over it and stop BITCHING. At least you medaled!
GAH people suck!
The ONE good thing, right now, is that it’s Friday, and I don’t have to deal with force feeding Parker all by my freaking self tomorrow.. ’cause i’m SO OVER IT I can not even describe. And then even the TINIEST thing would piss me off and this list would be seven pages long of evil diatribe and bitching. And while I think I was at least semi amusing (unless you’re a republican Russian figure skating enthusiast).. I wouldn’t be if today was Thursday and this blog was written tomorrow.
BLAARRGGHHHH!!!!!! That is my final thought.
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj