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Another day to add to the FAIL list.

What a day. WHAT A DAY. I never want to have another day like today for as long as I live.

Be prepared for me to bring you down, or make you angry- or both. That’s the kind of day today was.

Parker woke up this morning, happy as always.. but when bottle time came, he only ate 2 ounces. This is a half an ounce less than yesterday, which was already terribly low.
Next bottle? I had to force down a half an ounce.. and then slowly coaxed him to eat under a half an ounce more, and then the coughing started. Not just regular coughing though, but choking and gagging and turning purple until he vomited all over himself. There went all that work to keep him hydrated.
At that point I became very concerned. The nurse, at that very moment, called to check on him. I told her the situation, she asked me to check a few things, and then instructed me to call her back once he’d finished his next bottle to tell her how much he ate- and we would “take things from there”.. which to me meant if he DIDN’T eat, he’d need to be hospitalized.

Next bottle came and he managed to get down 2 ounces. I called her back just as he was coughing and gagging on that bottle as well. Once she heard that, she said to bring him in to the office immediately, not to panic or to rush (I think she knew at that point I was on the verge of losing it, as i’d already been crying all morning).
I started packing up the boys things, getting Holden’s shoes on (later I found out I put them on the WRONG feet I was in such a stupid rush).. and the phone rings, it’s the nurse again. She tells me instead of coming to the office, to go straight to the Childrens Hospital Emergency Room.. an hour away. If we went through the ER, we should get to see a pulmonologist immediately instead of having to wait until Wednesday for our appointment, because with Parker’s fast breathing- that seemed to be the root cause of all of his troubles.

So.. off I went. An hour drive, with two kids.. SO MUCH FUN let me tell you! Since the office had called ahead, I figured the wait wouldn’t be too terrible.. wrong. Thomas shows up about 10 minutes after I got there, and we ended up waiting another two freaking hours. Two hours while everyone who had gotten there an hour AFTER us got called back before us. Attempted another bottle while waiting and Parker wouldn’t even touch it.

Finally, we get called back and wait in a room for nurses and doctors to finally pay us some attention. They come in, ask the usual questions, and instantly decide there’s nothing they can do but give him a chest X-ray.
Say WHAT?! he JUST had one two days ago! I told them absolutely not, that we were there to see a PULMONOLOGIST, that was the ONLY reason we came, that is why we were told to go through the emergency room..
Doctor #2 scoffs, “Well I don’t think we can even get a pulmonologist in here today!”
And he goes to call our practice and the on-call doctor since our regular pediatrician doesn’t work Fridays.
After a few minutes, another doctor comes in to tell us that they are “all on the same page”- and that since Parker’s respiratory rate was at 44 instead of the 80+ it’s been at for the past five weeks, there’s pretty much nothing they can do but bloodwork to check his electrolytes to see if he’s dehydrated or not. We already know he isn’t.. but have to agree anyways just to find out the levels, because maybe just MAYBE the test will come back bad and they’ll help us.

Nope. Perfect. Just like everything else. They don’t give a flying fart in space if he’s lost a pound in the past week, they don’t care if he’s barely eating- as long as he is hydrated and not listless and lethargic, they refuse to admit him. They “only thing they can do” for an RSV baby is hook them up to an IV drip, which Parker clearly did not need.

So after all that driving, all that waiting.. even with Parker’s diapers falling off of him and all the ridiculous weight loss- no one will help us. Going to another practice would do nothing, because they’d just send us to the main Childrens Hospital, who obviously won’t do anything.
They won’t do anything until the child is wasting away to nothing and practically at death’s door. it’s RIDICULOUS. I am SO angry, so fed up. It would be one thing if he’d only been sick for a few days, but it’s been FIVE WEEKS and he’s only getting WORSE. How the hell do they expect me to just sit here and wait for him to waste away to nothing??

To top it off, I spent over an hour and a half in traffic on the way home in the wind and rain.. only to have Parker be absolutely MISERABLE for the rest of the night. Coughing and choking and heaving after every bottle.. though he ate more in those 3 bottles than he had ALL day.. he does NOT sound good, and it’s clear he doesn’t feel well.
And then Holden being Holden, busted his lip open on the TV stand after doing something he’s been told five thousand times not to do.. and this was the booboo to top all booboos. Typically he will stop crying after 2 minutes, but he screamed bloody murder for 45 minutes straight. His mouth was bleeding, his nose was bleeding.. and after his bath his lip had swelled up bigger than I have EVER seen. It looks like collagen injections gone wrong.

My boys just can’t catch a break. I keep thinking “Ok, this is the bottom, it can only go up from here!” just to try and be positive, and it only gets worse. It can’t get worse.. it CAN’T, because if it does.. I don’t know that Parker will be able to handle it.


Posted on February 5, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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