The absolute last straw

This is a decision I should have made a LONG time ago. I know this, everyone kept telling me to do it.. but I guess i’m just a glutton for punishment. I tend to gravitate toward unhealthy and/or abusive relationships and stay there because I become so comfortable in them that I fear going anywhere else. I’m a fan of familiarity, regardless of how crappy that familiarity is.

If you don’t know by now- i’m talking about our pediatrician. It’s time to move on. I’ve been unhappy with not particularly her, but the practice she works in for a very long time. Since Parker was born pretty much. I’d NEVER had a problem specifically with our pediatrician.. just the fact that when Holden was a baby- I never had long waits in the waiting room, never felt like we were getting the shaft as far as attention went. I was always pretty satisfied with the care we received and even recommended the practice to other people.

I don’t know WHAT changed between then and when Parker was born.. management? Amount of patients? But it was suddenly like we were going somewhere completely different. It almost seemed like a free-clinic. We started having to wait up to 2 hours in the waiting room, only to wait another 30 minutes in the exam room once we finally got called back. And while I never felt rushed by our pediatrician, I was so frustrated by that point that the wait just wasn’t worth it.

I have seen FOUR doctors at that practice.. and currently I like none of them. Ours has no time and went from CARING about Parker’s lack of eating to not caring at all and being so hung up on cystic fibrosis testing that nothing else matters. She doesn’t care that it’s a full MONTH until that testing, which could mean a full MONTH of refusing bottles and either not gaining or losing weight due to what to me is OBVIOUSLY another problem but she doesn’t see it. The other thinks all mothers are stupid. The other treated me like an absolute idiot, and the last I had to BEG to get the stronger medicine for Parker’s thrush after over 3 rounds of other medications that didn’t work in the slightest. They ALL suck.

And with Parker’s lack of eating, you’d think they would be concerned. Force feeding a baby for FOUR weeks with zero improvement? That has sent up red flags to EVERYONE i’ve spoken to EXCEPT the doctors at our practice. They are SO hung up on Cystic Fibrosis screening that nothing else matters. Even though nothing i’ve read about CF has ever said ANYTHING about a lack of appetite. It’s always a big appetite with NO weight gain.. and his weight gain is PERFECT as long as he’s eating. I know he’s gained weight since we’ve been forcing formula into him.. it’s just the issue of having to FORCE it into him. That’s it. That’s his only problem.

After not having our calls returned time and time again, Thomas finally talked to a nurse yesterday.. and ALL she said when we told her we were still force feeding was “Oh good, at least he’s getting nutrition!”
Seriously, that was it. No concern, no wanting to bring him in to check him out.. AGAIN she asked about the CF screening and if we were going to go to it.
Well, if you didn’t have us waiting a FULL MONTH to get it done, maybe we would- but if it’s SO important and he could be dying from this shit, why do we have to wait a MONTH for him to possibly lose MORE weight for you to even CONSIDER there could be another problem?? It’s totally absurd. And that was the straw that broke the camels back. The lack of caring, the lack of listening.. i’m just DONE.

That was the moment where I decided we would NOT be going back there, and took a friend’s recommendation (as well as MANY others via the internet) and chose a different practice.
As soon as Thomas called them and told them that we were literally dropper feeding Parker, they seemed concerned. Even with everything else that’s happened, even with the other doctors insisting on a CF screening, they were still concerned- because ANYONE can clearly see that there is SOMETHING ELSE WRONG.

So our appointment is tomorrow. I wish I could say that i’m optimistic… wholly optimistic.. but I have literally lost ALL confidence in doctors after what we’ve been through with them. I’m nervous that it’s going to be the same shit all over again. It’s going to be written off as recovering from RSV, or teething.. or they’re once again going to BAAAHHH with the masses and insist we get him tested for CF even though there is no evidence to suggest he could even possibly have it. I hope not. I REALLY hope not. I hope that the phonecall where they showed concern without ever even seeing him was a sign that they will attempt to find out what IS wrong and fix it.. but I really don’t know anymore. I’m stressed out. I can’t take much more.
This should not have been going on so long without resolution, or without further testing (testing that makes SENSE for what is going on). The longer I force feed him, the harder it is to do so.. because he KNOWS what i’m doing and just doesn’t want it. I have to literally force him to cry to get him to eat and even THAT now is working less and less as time goes by. He’s eating less and less on his own and i’m having to force more formula down his throat at each feeding which is more stress and distress to him and me.

We’re all at our breaking points and we need a doctor who can look past the fact that he had RSV and see that this is clearly not related anymore. Something is wrong. He should be hungry.. and instead he NEVER seems hungry anymore.. and when he is- he takes a few sucks and then pulls away and when I try to get him to eat more he just screams at me. We need a doctor to take notice and be concerned and who WANTS to find out the REAL issue instead of just wanting to rule random things out that have no relation with a lack of appetite.
I’m also worried that despite all of my efforts, he still hasn’t gained the weight back. He FEELS heavier, his diapers aren’t falling off anymore.. but he still isn’t even getting as much as he was eating on his own at 3 months. it’s driving me crazy.. and if a doctor doesn’t figure this out soon, or has no desire to dig deeper- I WILL lose it.

Cross your fingers for us.

Posted on February 23, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden