Along with getting puked on, peed on, pooped on and screamed at- there are other things that come with the territory of being a parent.
One of the many is mysterious bruises. In plentiful amounts. In the most random places.
Crawling around after a baby, moving them from one place to the other.. trying to keep them happy in one arm while completing other tasks.. and in my case- chasing after a 2 year old while simultaneously doing all of the above has left my body looking like I got into some kind of sports accident.
Half of the bruises and scratches and aches I have, I have no idea where they even came from. Actually, i’d say about 80% of them are a complete and total mystery to me.
And these aren’t just little bruises or little scratches- they’re HUGE and dark.
And who notices them first? Not me. Holden loves to point out booboos in places I can’t even see.
My ass for instance. Yes, my ass. After exercising today, I go to the bathroom to wash up.. always taking Holden with me to get him dressed and after commenting that “Mommy’s naked!”.. I see him staring at my ass. Creepy? Yeah, kinda.. so I asked him what he was looking at, to which he responded “booboo!”
I crane my head around to try and get a good look and there was a huge scratch down my right cheek. I don’t really have nails, so the chances that I was vigorously scratching myself and caused it are slim.
Shower time? While shaving my legs I came upon an ENORMOUS dark purple bruise at the top of my knee. Don’t you hate when something like that doesn’t hurt until you see it? Why didn’t it hurt before I saw it, alerting me to its’ presence?
There are about a billion different ways I could have gotten this hideous thing. Ramming into the coffee table.. crawling around the floor next to Parker.. wrestling with Holden- the possibilities are endless.
I am not a fan. Not that I wear skirts often, or am showing off my ass to anyone who will look- but it’s definitely a buzz kill to look down and see 4 inch in diameter unexplained bruises staring back up at you and then suddenly feel the pain that comes with them.
Someone needs to patent mommy knee pads. They’d sell like hotcakes… but only if they were cute.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.