I find it incredibly strange that my life seems to go in circles. Not as if it is the exact same every year.. the big details are always different. No kids, 1 kid, 2 kids, not married, married, living in a townhouse, living in a house..
But the little things seem to repeat themselves, and I don’t notice them until i’m in the thick of the action, and then it hits me- I was doing this same exact thing at the same exact time last year. Am I that predictable? That formulaic? Is my life a continuous loop?
Last year, at this same time, I was selling a lot of Holden’s baby things that we didn’t have a use for anymore. Clothes, bottles, bibs, the swing he hated so much. We needed money to fix up the house we live in now because it was in horrid condition with pink, peach, and purple walls. Vomit inducing.
Right after I sold all of those things was the shock of my life when I found out I was pregnant with Parker.
This year we’re not remodeling but we definitely need extra cash for other things and my savings account is hurting, so once again, i’m looking at all the things Parker is no longer using like his bassinet, an extra bouncy chair (that we’ve never used, it was a hand me down and he screamed the only time I ever put him in it) and his newborn clothes.
And I have to think- if I go ahead and sell these things- will the loop continue and i’ll find out that I am once again pregnant? Sure, i’m on depo- but i’ve heard about women getting pregnant on it (just like any other form of birth control), my cousin being one of them.
The chances are slim, but there’s still that .01% chance, and we all know how stubborn and pigheaded my uterus is. It wouldn’t be out of character for it to somehow manually override the depo shot and magically place a fetus in my uterus.
Do I want to take that chance knowing my history? Knowing that I was doing the same EXACT thing last year when it happened?
I don’t doubt that I sound totally insane and paranoid right now… but put yourself in my shoes. You’d be a little apprehensive too.
Getting pregnant again is an absolute non-option. Can’t handle enough rough pregnancy, can’t even come CLOSE to affording another baby.. and I don’t think my sanity could handle it either.
We need the money, and definitely need the space that selling this stuff would free up.. so i’ll probably go ahead and do it anyways and take the chance. Doesn’t mean I won’t be thinking about it constantly.
While it would be a shock if I do end up miraculously preggo- I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. I’m just going to hope that the depo shot is in full effect and put my uterus into submission.
Best compliment you can give me is to tell me you hope your future kids turn out like mine. I mean, you're lying, but it's a nice compliment
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