Clinton Kelly, my sanity savior.

Five years ago, before kids, before marriage- you could most likely catch me spending any expendable income I had on either clothes, or tattoos. Mostly clothes.

I may not be the girliest of girls, but I LOVE clothes. I love it when they look good, when they fit right, and the way that combination makes me feel.. I love having tons of options of what to wear on any given day.

Having kids changed ALL of that. Even having ONE kid changed all of that. All expendable income went to Holden. If I bought anything for myself, I would feel bad about it because I felt like the money would be better spent on Holden because he needed things and I just wanted things. We would get gift cards for birthdays or Christmas.. and they’d get spend on baby clothes and formula. I suppose it would be a tad different if we weren’t scraping by as it was- then i’d have no need to spend a gift card intended for me on Holden because there would be plenty of money to go around.. but that just wasn’t, and isn’t the case.

Me giving up buying clothes? Not easy. The only things I bought after Holden were pants, and ONLY because I was just too huge and wide and fluffy after gaining all that damn pregnancy weight that none of my pre-pregnancy pants would even fit over my hips, so it was an absolute necessity to buy them for myself.

I was that girl in highschool who didn’t want to wear something more than once every two weeks, but after gaining weight and changing shape.. that got knocked down to wearing the same things twice a week, maybe even more. And after a long time of doing that, the clothes got worn.. they got old, faded, got holes in them.
Going into my closet became a depressing experience.

After Parker? The situation worsened. Once again nothing fit.. but this stuff was stuff I had bought after the stuff BEFORE Holden wouldn’t fit. The stuff that DID fit.. was the holy ugly stuff I had left over from 5+ years ago. I have not been happy with my wardrobe.. or lack thereof.
Every day I go into my closet with a scowl on my face. I don’t WANT to wear anything. Everything makes me look fat because it doesn’t fit right.. or it’s just old and out of style. That is not a good feeling to have. Without a lot of money, and not wanting to buy things I know I will eventully shrink out of.. therefore wasting money, I didn’t want to go and buy anything new.

After watching endless episodes of “What not to Wear” and hearing sage advice from Mr. Clinton Kelly about how you should NEVER feel bad when you open your closet.. and you SHOULDN’T wait until you’re the size you want to be to buy clothes you actually like and that fit you well because the best motivation to lose more weight is to feel good about yourself- I decided it was time to actually do something for MYSELF for once and buy new clothes.

Perfect timing with my birthday and tax return season AND Thomas’ bonus check.

So today we made a quick run to the mall, just to kick things off.
American Eagle has always had the best fitting clothes for me, so that’s where we started AND ended. No need to go anywhere else. I grabbed some size 4 pants, and amazingly, they fit. If you don’t know what size you ACTUALLY are because everything is ill-fitting or too big.. you have no idea the progress you’ve made. Fitting into a size 4 instantly made me feel better about myself. I wasn’t sure that would EVER happen again.
I also grabbed a really cute shirt, and put the whole outfit together.. and instantly I felt better about myself.
It’s amazing what clothes can do for how you see and feel about yourself. I would recommend it to anyone. Just take time for yourself. Buy something that FITS and stop walking around in crap that makes you feel bad.

Even better than wearing new things is NOT having to wear my old things anymore. I can get rid of that ugly crap and never have to see it again or be forced to wear it because I don’t have anything else. HAPPY DAY.
But still a suck ass day because Holden is super freaking sick and Parker won’t eat, and even though we CALLED my favorite restaurant to make sure they’d be open for dinner so we could have a make-up birthday dinner after my craptacular day yesterday.. I got a call from my Dad on our way there saying they were in the parking lot of the restaurant- and wouldn’t you know it? CLOSED.
Stupid birthday.

Posted on January 31, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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