My uterus seems to have serious issues with authority. It doesn’t like to be told what to do or when to do it. Doesn’t conform to uterine norms or follow any regular pattern.
Perhaps my uterus thinks it is James Bond. Stealthy, sneaky… likes things shaken and not stirred. Believes that rules are meant to be broken.
I want a little girl.. it gives me two boys- one planned and one that can only be described as immaculate conception- then again, knowing my uterus- it contains a hyperbaric chamber and can keep sperm alive for YEARS just to bring them out when I least expect to knock me up with.
My first pregnancy- evil uterus allowed me to get 8 hours into an induction with NO action whatsoever. It was then that I was informed if I did not go into labor, i’d be put on cervadil, then back on pitocin- and if THAT didn’t work.. it’d be c-section time.
I began freaking out, of course- and BAM, active labor. Five hours later Holden was born.
Pregnancy #2: the night before the appointment where I was positive i’d be sent for an induction due to my high blood pressure I go into labor. Get to the hospital where i’m informed that i’m only 1cm (where i’d been for weeks).. I once again panic, thinking i’ll be sent home- and shit hit the fan. Progressed incredibly quickly- 3.5 hours later- Parker was born (7 hours total labor. May have been longer than the first but i’m counting the VERY beginning contractions in those hours as well.)
And now. Just as my doctor gave me a prescription to start my stupid period. Take the prescription in that night, planning to pick it up the next day (yesterday) and just as we’re thinking about leaving to go and get it, guess what starts? Yep, my period. Out of nowhere, no cramps- nothing. Now my lady parts feel like they’re going to fall off if I stand for too long which is not fun at all.. but I guess at least I don’t have cramps.
My wiley uterus has a mind of its own, that’s for sure. Refuses to be told what to do and when to do it.
Or perhaps it’s my brain willing my uterus into action.
If only it had that kind of power of my weight loss!
My 10 yo didn't know that Dick is short for Richard so he's spent the past 10 yrs thinking Dick's Sporting Goods is a store for penis sports
8yo told me that Oct 31st is "national knock-knock joke day"- which means Halloween will henceforth be known as "The Most Annoying Day Ever"
@SassyPsychDoc "It seemed like a good idea at the time"
@SassyPsychDoc I fact-checked him myself. Someone was seriously sleeping on the job that day
Thought my 8yo was lying when he said that a male woodchuck is a he-chuck & a female is a she-chuck.Nope. If I have to know that, so do you!
Sometimes advice from our kids is EXACTLY what we need to hear. Been a rough few months & what my 8yo said hit home holdinholden.com/2017/10/winn…
10yo: What is calculus? Me: It's you + me = us Husband: get out. #oldpeoplejokes
Bravery AND confidence pic.twitter.com/voqjVXWgZx
@wildblueME I just don't tell them what I'm making anymore