My uterus seems to have serious issues with authority. It doesn’t like to be told what to do or when to do it. Doesn’t conform to uterine norms or follow any regular pattern.
Perhaps my uterus thinks it is James Bond. Stealthy, sneaky… likes things shaken and not stirred. Believes that rules are meant to be broken.
I want a little girl.. it gives me two boys- one planned and one that can only be described as immaculate conception- then again, knowing my uterus- it contains a hyperbaric chamber and can keep sperm alive for YEARS just to bring them out when I least expect to knock me up with.
My first pregnancy- evil uterus allowed me to get 8 hours into an induction with NO action whatsoever. It was then that I was informed if I did not go into labor, i’d be put on cervadil, then back on pitocin- and if THAT didn’t work.. it’d be c-section time.
I began freaking out, of course- and BAM, active labor. Five hours later Holden was born.
Pregnancy #2: the night before the appointment where I was positive i’d be sent for an induction due to my high blood pressure I go into labor. Get to the hospital where i’m informed that i’m only 1cm (where i’d been for weeks).. I once again panic, thinking i’ll be sent home- and shit hit the fan. Progressed incredibly quickly- 3.5 hours later- Parker was born (7 hours total labor. May have been longer than the first but i’m counting the VERY beginning contractions in those hours as well.)
And now. Just as my doctor gave me a prescription to start my stupid period. Take the prescription in that night, planning to pick it up the next day (yesterday) and just as we’re thinking about leaving to go and get it, guess what starts? Yep, my period. Out of nowhere, no cramps- nothing. Now my lady parts feel like they’re going to fall off if I stand for too long which is not fun at all.. but I guess at least I don’t have cramps.
My wiley uterus has a mind of its own, that’s for sure. Refuses to be told what to do and when to do it.
Or perhaps it’s my brain willing my uterus into action.
If only it had that kind of power of my weight loss!
Person on tv: Age is just a number! 10yo: Yeah, a number that pulls you closer to death.
Party animal over here pic.twitter.com/OVpKPuu4Yc
Proving to my kids that they ARE Friends goo.gl/fb/QbSSNp
Writing my next book Me: My period inspired a whole new chapter! Husband: Your lack of period inspired a whole book... Me: pic.twitter.com/fpNHwnYeAF
The card my kid made me at school. I truly don't know why I expected anything different 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/T7nai0ycqS
Valentine's Day before 4pm and I'm already putting on pajamas because my uterus is bloated to the size of a Buick and erupting like Mount Vesuvius so I guess you could say I'm feeling PRETTY romantic.