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How Rude!

Today I heard through the grapevine that someone called Holden “rude.”

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!
GASP!
A two year old… RUDE?? No freakin’ way!

I don’t have the wool pulled over my eyes, nor do I wear rose colored glasses. Holden has an attitude, there’s no doubt about that- but he’s a TWO year old. Isn’t being two years old synonymous with attitude and defiance?
For someone to call a two year old ‘rude’ and act like it’s some kind of shock or surprise or anything out of the ordinary is absolutely ridiculous to me.
They don’t call it the “terrible twos” for nothing.

You would think this comment came from someone who has no children and has no idea what they’re talking about, since it’s such a stupid thing to say..
Unfortunately not. This person has three children. THREE. It should be safe to assume that said person would and should have intimate knowledge of just what kinds of attitudes children can and do tend to have.. and therefore name-calling a two year old for actions that are normal for a two year old to have just wouldn’t happen- but unfortunately not.
People are stupid, point blank.

Friends have come over and been highly embarrassed by their child’s actions when they’re snatching toys and throwing fits and not wanting to share or play nicely.. but i’ve never seen that as anything other than absolutely normal. That’s just how little kids are. Especially at such a young age, they haven’t learned to play together yet. They haven’t learned to be able to share. Sure, I get embarrassed by the same things when Holden acts that way but i’ve never thought that made him a bad kid, or “rude”- just a normal toddler.

I’m not above thinking mean things about other peoples children- but when I do it’s because their kid was abnormally misbehaved. Hitting, spitting, biting, pulling hair, screaming and throwing fits over absolutely nothing- those kinds of things are what I cringe at.

In Holden’s defense though (even though I don’t think he needs to be defended for something that comes with the age he is), the person name-calling him has only ever met him once, for about 30 minutes- at a late lunch when he should have been napping- sitting in a highchair next to another kid who was hoarding crayons he was too young to play with that Holden wanted.
Even then, in no way could Holden be considered “rude.”
A little obnoxious? Sure. He wanted those damn crayons. He didn’t hit, he didn’t cry, he didn’t scream.. he really wasn’t all that badly behaved at all for an evil 2 year old.
It also needs to be said that this person, for reasons unknown to me, dislikes me. So really, they have a problem with me- and have taken to name-calling my 2 year old son.
How low do you have to be to talk shit about a child because you don’t like their parent? Pathetic, really.

The mean part of me hopes that person’s precious under-two children grow to be total and complete monsters, hitting and screaming “NO!” to everything they may tell them to do- so they get a real idea of what a ‘rude’ child is.

Don’t ever assume that your child is going to turn 2 and be a perfect little angel, it probably won’t happen. They all have their moments, no matter how well behaved they are for the majority of their days. If you see a 2 year old freaking out in the store, don’t roll your eyes and call them a brat or think that they have suck-ass parents.. ’cause chances are, sooner or later, you’ll have that same experience and won’t appreciate the rolling eyes around you.
Oh, and don’t be a bitch! That one’s key.


Posted on December 7, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 6 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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6 Comments

  • As a teacher, I can assure you that this will be the parent who refuses to see that their child does ANYTHING wrong. If the child’s grades are low, it’s because the teacher won’t be doing a good job. If the child has few or no friends, it will be because the other kids are bullies. There will be no convincing that any inappropriate action of the child will be the child’s fault. It’s disgusting.

    My ALMOST 2 year old hits and bites…things he’s learned from daycare. He always says please, thank you, you’re welcome even to the nurse who just gave him two massive shots in his thighs. He is put on time out several times a day. He gives hugs and kisses to his brother and loves all his friends at daycare. He is a child and is learning how to socially interact.

    If your 2 year old ISN’T “misbehaving” in these ways, I’d think someone was wrong.

  • If a 2 year old didn’t at LEAST do ONE bratty thing per day they would be a lobotomy victim.

    That really sucks that your little guy learned those actions from daycare! sloppy parenting on other people’s parts.
    Luckily, it’s all a phase they will grow out of, and just because they act like little turds now doesn’t mean they will when they are older as long as they are told that what they’re doing isn’t ok.

    The word NO, it is a glorious thing when used by a parent. Not so much when used by a defiant two year old.

    I’ll be the first to tell someone when Holden is being a brat. I’m definitely not passive when it comes to parenting- but just because he’s ACTING bratty doesn’t make him a brat.. and he is SO far from rude it’s unreal.
    I hope not to be one of those parents you encounter too frequently i’m sure.. it’s always hard to hear that your kid is acting like the spawn of satan though. So far i’ve had no problem admitting it when it happens, so I hope to continue down that path!

  • i dunno. I wouldn’t call a kid who hits or bites a bad kid that has bad parents. Marcus use to headbutt when he got pissed, no matter what I did to stop it. He’d get in trouble for doing it and turn around and do it again the second I let go of him. Some kids just don’t know how to express themselves and do the only thing they know of.

    And just so you know, I’m “that” parent who, when my toddler is screaming through a store, will walk around ignoring him as he screams down every aisle. if I need groceries, I need groceries whether my kid is screaming or not!

  • I’m not sure what you thought I meant.. but i’m “that” parent too. I said NOT to give dirty looks to those parents because it’ll happen to you someday too. ignoring is the best policy.

    and I didn’t intend to imply that all parents with hitting biting kids are bad parents, or that the kids are bad kids- just that i’ve been known to mutter “what a brat” under my breath when i’ve seen extreme cases of those actions.

  • Luckily the biting has only happened a few times and we made such a big deal of it I think it’s scared the be-jesus out of him. It started after he came home from daycare with a mark on his hand that looked like a bite mark. When we asked daycare they hadn’t noticed the spot, but immediately knew the culprit as one child (who is younger than Cohen, but quite advanced) in particular has been doing it a lot apparently.

    The hitting on the other hand is the real problem we have. When he does it, we put him on time out, tell him why he’s there, make him sit there for 2 minutes and when time is up we make him say sorry. The problem is he’s so quick to say sorry, but he has NO idea what it means. So as soon as we tell him to go on time out he’s whining the words “sorry mommy”. He doesn’t have good reasoning skills just yet, so this has been a daily chore.

    Aaaand oh the double-edged sword of the word NO. This is where a parent’s laziness can really get them into trouble. When Cohen tells me no, I give him one more chance to do what I’ve asked on his own before I get up and make him do it. I’ve seen parents completely ignore their child after they’ve defied the parent’s request which befuddles me because it’s as if there blind to what their child will become- which is likely an unruly delinquent. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t pick your battles though, because otherwise you might always be constantly fighting and that’s probably just as unproductive.

    The good thing about teachers is that they’re usually VERY understand when a child misbehaves; you have to be when you’ve got 30 + or – kids to look after all day. They’re usually even more understand when they’ve got kids of their own. Now as a parent, it embarrasses me to hear when my child has misbehaved, but I’m not in denial about it. There’s two things I always ask 1) what happened (when Cohen gets old enough I want to hear his side as well, but for now I can only rely on what adults saw) and 2) what can I do to help reinforce positive behaviors at home so that we show consistency.

  • exactly- saying no with no follow through is just as bad as not saying it at all, ever.
    funny part? the girl who called Holden rude straight up admitted that she can not discipline her oldest child because she’ll say “you do this or else” and her kid will say “or else what?” because she KNOWS her mom won’t follow through with any kind of punishment- yet she’s calling MY child rude?

    Holden’s never been a hitter or a biter, but he is a SCREAMER and he has an attitude from hell when he wants to. I’d say it’s about an even trade at times.

    I’ve apologized a couple of times for his behavior and have always been met by “it’s fine! it’s normal!” which is what I tell people when they apologize to me for their 2 yo’s behavior.. this is the first time someone’s actually name-called my kid for how he acted.. when honestly he hadn’t acted that badly!