It gets… better?
I wholly expected today to be a complete and utter disaster after how yesterday transpired. I dreaded Thomas going to work, I dreaded getting out of bed.. just didn’t want to deal with all of Holden’s bullshit again- understandably.
The morning? Didn’t go so well. Both kids were simultaneously whining and crying about nothing pretty much the entire morning.
Holden decided to go on poop strike. After getting yelled at for crapping everywhere twice I guess he thought it would be best just to not poop at all.. resulting in me leaving him on the potty for almost an hour because I feared for my sanity- thinking if I let him off the toilet without taking a dump, he would immediately soft-serve in his boxer briefs.
Parker… I don’t know what his issue is today. A growth spurt perhaps? Sleeping ridiculous amounts, eating ridiculous amounts and whining ridiculous amounts. How do I know it wasn’t reflux? If your kid has reflux.. you just know when the cry is a reflux cry- as it makes your eardrums want to burst. The cries today were more irritating than anything.
Lunch went well, but it always does. Holden’s a fatty, I almost never have to force the kid to eat.. it was after lunch that concerned me. Another one of Holden’s regular poo-times. And since he didn’t poop after breakfast like he should have, I KNEW a poop was in order.
Nope. Nothin’. Not even a fart. Once again, he ended up sitting on the potty for a ridiculous amount of time (potty time is usually under 3 minutes) but all I got was 2 pees. By that time I was so fed up I decided just to go ahead and put him down for his nap.
At this point, I was fearing the worst. Not only was today his second nap time without a binky (nap time is the ONLY time he ever gets one.. because i’ve been too much of a wimp to take it away).. but the lack of poop all day led me to believe that he was going to shit and piss all over his bed and come out of his room soaked in it. Cleaning crap off of a toddler is one of the worst things EVER. It’s not like a baby where you can just lay them down, put their legs in the air and a couple of wipes later you’re done, no no. Toddler’s, especially Holden, will not lay down like a baby to be changed. To get crap off of him, I have to bend him over the toilet and try to prop one of his legs up to get in his crack… yeah.. i’ll stop elaborating there, i’m sure you get the picture.
Three hours go by and still no sign of Holden. Three hours before Parker was born is normal, three hours NOW is a freaking miracle. Unfortunately, the longer he sleeps.. the more the piss soaks into his clothes, and the harder the smell is to get off of him no matter how hard I scrub (and a midday bath is impossible with Parker around).
Of course, right after I started getting concerned he emerged from his room.. whining and crying and saying something about his underwear that made no sense to me, and since I have terrible eyesight I couldn’t see just how drenched he was- but i’d assumed he’d released the bowels if he was crying about his underwear. I set Parker down and run over to him.. only to find he is BONE DRY. NO PEE!
I started making a HUGE deal out of it to reinforce the good behavior, and he just cries MORE. Why the kid cries when he DOESN’T pee, yet doesn’t seem to mind being soaked in his own excrements is beyond me. I finally got him calmed down and then realized I had no cookie to give him for a treat (which is always promised to him if he ‘no pees bed’), but I did have a huge bowl of cookie dough in the fridge so I came up with a brilliant idea.
I told him that we were going to bake him a ‘special big boy no pee bed cookie.’ He was very excited. We went into the kitchen, and started heating the oven, gave him a spoon and let him spoon out some cookie dough, roll it into a ball and put it on the baking sheet. He was NOT happy when I put it in the oven, though. He wanted the cookie RIGHT THEN. So I informed him it had to bake, put it in the oven and then turned the light on so he could watch. He plopped down infront of the oven and wanted to watch it the whole time, while pointing and saying ‘big boy no pee bed cookie!’
He was incredibly happy by the time the thing was finally done and cooled down enough for him to eat… and while I was happy, I was still worried he was going to sneak off and crap his pants so I watched him like a hawk.
About an hour later, I saw him picking at his butt and asked him if he needed to poop.. and it sounded like he said yes, but he did NOT want to go to the bathroom. What does any good mom do? I dragged him. And I was right, HUGE crap in the potty.
He was happy, I was happy, the whole world was happy.. and a huge sense of relief washed over me because now I didn’t have to worry about trying to scrub crap off of him anymore.
The rest of the day went much better. He was well behaved and happy. No tantrums, no accidents, nothing. Parker took that as his cue to turn into a total turd.. but I find him much easier to deal with when he’s upset than Holden.
I’m not taking today as a definite sign that things will be getting back on track.. as I have thought that before and ended up sorely disappointed, but I can dream. One semi-good day is better than no good days I guess.
Thomas said before bed Holden was going on and on about his ‘no pee bed yummy tasty cookie’- so hopefully with that in mind, he’ll stop being a pod-child and the old Holden will come back to stay.
Just remember: calories don't count today. But just in case... wear stretchy pants. pic.twitter.com/vOCiF0YpEG
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