Most days I wonder why I even bothered popping this child out- it currently seems to have been a pointless task.. because while he may be OUT of me, he refuses to be OFF of me.
All day long, every single day- I carry him around like he’s another appendage.
I don’t know what is so appealing about being lugged around by me every moment of every day.. but the kid is in complete and utter bliss until the very second I set him down. Instantly, his face crinkles and he lets out the kind of shriek that causes jaw clenching migraines.
By the time Thomas gets home at night, my arms feel like wet noodles. The kid isn’t even that heavy, but when you’re lugging around 11 pounds (ish) of dead weight all day every day, it starts to feel like I spent my whole day in the gym rather than at home desperately trying to keep a baby happy.
Even nap time is not going well. As I mentioned yesterday- I can have that kid so asleep that he’s in my arms with his mouth open, head back and arms limp.. but as soon as his skin is no longer touching mine, he’s wide awake again and usually crying.
Have I tried a sling? Yes, I have.. and I can’t figure that crap out- and he gets pissed off after a little while in a Snugli. He wants my arms, and my arms alone. He has taken them hostage.
He might as well just crawl his unhappy ass back up into my uterus- at least then his screams will be muffled and my arms will be free.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.