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A little bit bittersweet

It is well documented that I positively loathe being pregnant. I try to enjoy the little things, and the belly, and the kicks.. but all the crappy things that seem to come my way while i’m baking womb fruit overshadow all the good things that I take full advantage of and don’t realize until after i’ve popped.
Especially knowing that this past pregnancy could very well be my last, I find the fact that it’s over a little bit bittersweet.

I no longer have an excuse to eat like an absolute pig and not feel all that terrible when I gain weight.. because when you’re pregnant you’re supposed to gain weight, and it’s totally acceptable to eat an entire pan of brownies in one sitting because it’s almost expected of you. Now, I have to go back to dieting and praying that I don’t continue to look pregnant even though i’m not. Back to eating disgusting healthy cereal and as soon as my crotch doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall out- exercising. And now instead of feeling pretty confident in what i’m wearing, because the huge belly was unavoidable, i’m back to trying to camoflauge the waterbed belly i’m left with and worrying that everything I wear makes me look ‘fat’.

Back to having a period. There are no words to describe how much I didn’t miss bleeding from my snatch for a week every month. The cramps, the bloating, the period poops.. Pregnancy is a lovely vacation from all of that. Sure, you have pelvic pain, nausea and constipation, but not having a monthly visitor is a pretty good consolation prize for all of that.
The worst is now, right after birth, where i’m forced to wear a friggin’ pad.. a.k.a ‘The Bloody Diaper’
Uncomfortable, awkward, gross. At least with a tampon, you’re pretty oblivious to how much you’re bleeding.. but with a pad, you can feel it leaking out of you. Worst. Feeling. Ever.

No more relaxing on the couch during the day, doing pretty much nothing, just because I can. Pregnancy allowed me MANY reasons not to want to move, and Holden is/was pretty independent and liked to play on his own most of the time so I had no complaints. Now I have a needy newborn AND a toddler who has suddenly decided to be whiny all the time and needs me as soon as i’ve sat down to feed Parker- leaving me absolutely no time during the day for myself. I like feeling relaxed, not panicked, and with two young kids I constantly feel panicked. And that’s WITH Thomas home. I don’t even want to think about how crazy Monday is going to be when Thomas is back at work, 45 minutes away, and i’m stranded to figure things out on my own. Allow me to take another long swig of my alcoholic drink.

Ahh yes, there are some benefits to NOT being pregnant anymore. Alcohol, being able to bend and sleep without extreme discomfort.. being able to SEE my lower parts again. Those things are all pretty cool.

Still, I wish i’d been able to relax and enjoy my big belly (and big boobs) while I still had them. In the heat of the moment, though, it’s much easier said than done.
So preggos, give your belly a nice big rub- because soon enough it won’t be there anymore and you’ll look down and wonder where all that girth went. I already can’t even picture how big I got- good thing I documented my pregnancy very thoroughly with pictures (and this blog).

Posted on October 10, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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