There is never a dull day in my house. And not just because I have a very uncomfortable newborn who decides to keep me on my toes, but because Holden is seriously the strangest funniest child on the face of the earth. At least I know that if my day is going to absolute hell and i’m about to scream because I just can’t deal with the blood curdling screams anymore that I have Holden around to make me laugh.
His current favorite thing to do is to label everyone a “stinky butt”- and not just randomly. If you fart, you’re instantly “Ew! Stinky butt!”
Parker isn’t just “Parker” to Holden, he is now “Parker stinky butt!”
Holden even calls himself one, and will purposely push out a fart, laugh hysterically, and then smile at you and say “stinky butt” in this evil little voice.
You don’t just have to be releasing gas from your rear end to earn this title though, as my brother found out last week.
Holden sat in his lap, took a big whiff and said: “Ew! Stinky butt!”
He’d probably do it to anyone just because he finds it so hilarious.. but it also may have been because my brother seems to think that a boatload of aftershave is just not enough and bathes in that crap.
Another current favorite phrase: “Oh my God!”
He finds something he likes a lot? “Oh my God!”, too many veggies on his plate? “Oh my God!”
No matter how old he gets, he still loves to lie on the floor on his side and push his cars around. Lately this has advanced to where he’s pushing himself across the house with his feet while lying on the floor on his side. A strange thing to witness, but whatever keeps him occupied.
He also loves to announce to you when he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing (and knows he shouldn’t be doing it).
“Pee bed!”- my least favorite thing to have him announce, and while he’s still a champ at going potty during the daytime.. not so much during naps and bed time.
“Color feet!”- how he managed to draw all over his feet in blue crayon like it was a marker is beyond me.. but the kid pulled it off. He also “color swing!”- and shortly after said “bad boy!”
Well, Holden, if you know it’s wrong, don’t do it!
Thanks to Daddy, he likes to “bite nails”- lovely habit for a 2 year old to pick up on.
Day before yesterday, he found what looked to be a tiny little pumpkin in the yard. And by tiny, I mean TINY. It made him happy, and he kept calling it “pumpkin!” with a super excited look on his face so I let him keep it. It also made telling him to come inside a hell of a lot easier.
He then started to say “eat pumpkin?” and would put it up to his mouth like he was going to take a chomp out of it, but never did. Shortly thereafter, the mini-pumpkin disappeared. I kept asking him where it went, but he couldn’t seem to find it, and then forgot about it.
Yesterday morning I was making breakfast when Holden walked into the kitchen and once again said: “eat pumpkin?”
I was confused, since the pumpkin had disappeared, but he was insistent so I followed him into the living room only to find the mini-pumpkin (now semi rotten looking) with what appeared to be a large chomp mark in it and mini-pumpkin seeds scattered all over the couch and floor. Yum. If he did eat it.. he must have a stomach of steel because it didn’t bother him.
Not like that’s the first weird thing he’s taken a bite out of. I catch him with weird things in his mouth all the time. String, paper, tape.. He’d probably eat paint chips if he could get his hands on some, and I really have no idea where he finds these things to put them in his mouth in the first place.
You’d really have to spend a full day with Holden to really get a handle on just how strange and hilarious he is.. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I’ll be sort of sad if Parker is boring with the personality of a wet blanket. What’s the fun in life if you can’t laugh at your kids?
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.