With how taxing, tiring and frustrating my first week at home alone with the boys was- i’ve come to start dreading Mondays all over again.
Once I really got the hang of dealing with Holden (which took a lot of time and practice), Mondays weren’t so bad. The weekends were great because I could relax, but the weeks weren’t hard at all. Holden was even better behaved when home alone with me than when it was both Thomas and I. He probably thought he could get away with more when Daddy was around and took full advantage.
After a crazy week like I had, and a pretty damn peaceful weekend.. Monday isn’t looking so great.
It’s not even like I have Thomas do everything when he’s home. I don’t think I ask much of him.
It’s just having that extra pair of hands around when you really need it that makes SUCH a huge difference in how the day goes. Someone to pick up the slack so that you don’t have to put down a baby in the middle of a feeding, or deal with two screaming kids at once.. or just so you can take a quick breather when things start to go sour and regain some composure. Can’t do that when you’re alone. I know a lot of ladies say that when you get frustrated just to walk away.. but if there’s a screaming baby in the background and I can still hear it- I can’t relax.
I’m back on my own tomorrow, still not fully comfortable with the idea. I know getting into ANY kind of comfort zone is going to take a very long time, and that gets under my skin. I’m a huge worry wart, and all I can do is worry that the day is going to go horribly awry and that i’m going to lose my frickin’ mind.
Today Parker’s reflux REALLY seemed to be acting up. back arching, violent hiccups, massive amounts of spitup, super painful mega stinky farts.. this concerns me. At three weeks old is the time where Holden did a total 180 and went from a pretty peaceful little baby to a mutant reflux baby and screamed nonstop. I spent so many days crying right along with him, and a lot of days calling Thomas and begging him to come home because I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.. and Parker will be three weeks old on Wednesday. I have to wonder if the bottom is just going to fall out of my world and if Parker’s reflux is going to become just as bad as Holden’s. I sure as hell hope not, and i’ve been doing everything I can to prevent it from getting that bad (medicating early, probiotics, warming bottles, leaving him sitting up after eating).. but really I have no control on the acidity levels in his stomach. They’ll do what they’re going to do regardless of what I want. I didn’t want him to have reflux at ALL and we see how well that went.
Who knows, I suppose this coming week could be an absolute breeze. I doubt it, but it’s not totally impossible.
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