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Advice to live by

When it comes to talking to a pregnant woman when you’re not pregnant- there are certain things you just don’t do or say. With all the crazy hormones rushing through their systems, you never quite know how something that could be seemingly harmless, inoccuous or seemingly helpful may make them react, especially in the last few week

Posted on September 24, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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Advice to live by

When it comes to talking to a pregnant woman when you’re not pregnant- there are certain things you just don’t do or say. With all the crazy hormones rushing through

Posted on September 24, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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Mmmm, Placenta!

The first time I had ever heard of anyone ever taking a placenta and EATING IT was years back when Tom Cruise was in his “couch jumping” phase and Katie Holmes was popping out their weird alien child. The mention of the act alone was enough to make me shudder.

When you venture into the realm of mommyhood, you are introduced to all kinds of weird notions, potions and ideas to help with all sorts of different things- so the subject crossed my view more often, never enough for me to think that this was commonplace in anyone’s household.
Cleaning up exploded diapers, being puked on, bleeding for 13 weeks straight.. nothing prepared me for this craze to pick up and to read about it just about everywhere.

From the fine folks over at STFUParents:

Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a bit.

Now, i’ve done my research on this whole “eating your own placenta” thing.. and yes, it has its benefits. It can help with the ‘baby blues’, postpartum depression, and the cramping you experience after birth as your uterus desperately tries to shrink back to an acceptable size.. but EATING something that came out of your snatch?? Really??
Making it into a delicious Placenta Parmesan? Or drinking the vile thing as a smoothie?
Sorry, but I am highly disturbed by this notion. I think i’d much rather pop a Zoloft if I were feeling down than try and gag down my own placenta.

Placentas are not appetizing, y’all. Have you ever seen one?
If I ever even attempted to taste this delicacy of sorts.. all that would cross my mind is after I gave birth to Holden.. and trying to pass my own.
I felt the doctor TUGGING my umbilical cord, because.. well, the placenta is attached to your uterine wall (and when it TEARS off, that’s why you bleed for so long. Open wound. yay!)
When it finally came loose, I felt a large sense of relief and heard a huge SLOSH sound. That was my veiny bloody placenta plopping into a bucket.

And women EAT this thing?? They put it in the freezer, and pull it out to mix up in smoothies? Or cook it like a delicious steak?
Placenta, with a side of veins for one please!

From what i’ve read, the most common (and by far least disgusting) way to ingest yourself is to have a midwife dry the bitch out and put it into capsules.
MMMM, Placenta pills! Guaranteed to take your blues away!

Call me closed-minded, but there’s just no way I could ever swallow a pill full of something that was leeching off of my body for 9 months and then came plopping out of my snatch in a big bloody mess.
Technically.. wouldn’t that be like.. eating yourself out?
Just sayin’

Sorry, Kim, but I won’t be joining you in this cannabalistic craze! No matter how good for me it is. Mommy could never get me to eat lima beans, you’re sure as shit not going to get me to eat my own veiny bloody sack of nasty.

Posted on September 2, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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