If you’ve ever been pregnant, and gotten to those final horrible weeks- i’m sure your friends have dispensed a ridiculous amount of advice on how to get your child out of you naturally.
From just popping an herbal supplement, to drinking tea, to some things that will have some nasty side effects, i’ve heard them all- and known people to try them all.
Here’s the thing- there is NO sure fire way to get your child out of you unless he or she is ready and raring to go. As much as you want to believe all the hype, they’re kind of like old wives tales. They might work for some, but for most.. sorry! You’ll have to wait, miserably, like the rest of us.
Still, if you want to be informed on a few of these child-popping ‘remedies’- i’m more than happy to share them with you and let you decide for yourself whether you want to try them or not.
Let’s start with the harmless.
Evening Primrose Oil
You can find this in your local Wal-mart in the vitamin section. Pop a few pills per night and it’s said to help soften your cervix, which is necessary in order to go into labor. It won’t push you into labor if your body isn’t ready, hell, it might not do anything at all- but it’s natural and harmless so giving it a shot won’t hurt you. You can even poke holes in a few (as told to me by my friend), and stick them up your cooch.. getting them to that cervix a lot faster. I’ve yet to get that desperate.
Ahhh yes, good ol’ sex. But not just ANY sex, mind you. Your husband or significant other has to leave a… deposit.. Which is another way to soften your cervix. WAIT- there’s more. He’s not the only one who gets to have fun in this process- because you need to get off too in order to reap the full benefits. Sex can help by releasing a hormone called oxytocin, which causes the uterus to contract. Has this worked for either of my pregnancies? Nope, but I know plenty of women it did work for.
There are people who believe this will help to induce labor, but from everything i’ve read that’s pretty much a myth. What it WILL help with is your labor, and your recovery.. so really, it’s still worth it to drink it- and it’s tasty! It can ease contractions, keep you from hemorrhaging during labor, and help you heal more quickly.
I don’t know how many times i’ve been told to “go for a nice long walk” to try and bring labor on. I’ve seen women do it on those evil baby shows, but they’re already IN labor.. so it obviously helps move things along. Movement in general can help get that baby down into the birth canal, putting pressure on your cervix and possibly pushing you into labor. I’ve found all it does for me is make my feet swell and my pelvis hurt.
Just like it reads. Get some lube and rub those nips, ladies! Same effect as sex, releases oxytocin into your system and brings on contractions. Awkward? Yes. More effort then sex? Sure. But if you just can’t manage to let your husband poke you in your fat and uncomfortable state.. this is the way to go.
Some i’ve been told to try but can’t find the reasoning behind? Spicy food, pineapple & eggplant parmesan. Not all together.. can’t imagine that tasting very good.
And now for the “try at your own risk” way to induce labor.
I know women who SWEAR by castor oil to bring on labor.. and others who will tell you to stay the hell away from it. If it doesn’t get that baby out, what it will do is make you nauseous, crampy and make you shit your intestines out. It might be more of a constipation cure then a way to induce labor honestly. All that shitting could send you into labor, since those areas are so close together and all the action could irritate your uterus enough to get into action.. but honestly I wouldn’t recommend it.
Labor is bad enough without lacing the toilet in intestinal goodies right beforehand.
Most of these remedies become “sure fire” once you’re past due, but even then it’s not a guarantee. Not even being stuck on a pitocin drip is a guaranteed way to go into labor (I have two friends who it didn’t work on at all). Unfortunately, when it comes to labor, we just have no control when or how it will happen or how much it will hurt. Sucks. I think if we have to tear our insides apart in order to bring new life into this world- we should get at least a little bit of a say in how it’s going to happen, maybe even when.. but nope! That would make too much sense.
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Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
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