Most people would assume with my larger than life size and inability to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in that I would be the queen of all bed hogs. That poor poor Thomas would be shivering curled up on a 2 inch space on one side of the bed with no covers while I sprawled out in the middle in complete and utter bliss.
Most people would be wrong.
Before getting pregnant, things in the sleep department were pretty good. We bought a new mattress (because my fat ass wore an enormous bed-long sized dent in it from my mega-fatty pregnancy with Holden) which seemed to alleviate all the back pain I was having from lugging Holden around all the time. I’m not a cuddler, at all.. I like my space when I sleep, I don’t like being breathed on, and I get overheated quickly, so for the most part we just kept to our sides of the bed. This worked well for me. I am a huge fan of sleep. A sleep enthusiast if you will. I don’t take up much space, my favorite sleep position is curling up right on the edge with one leg out from under the covers, so calling me a bed hog would be the opposite of what I actually am.
Thomas is a twitcher. A perpetual twitcher. And not just little twitches, but ones that wake me out of a solid sleep, or keep me from falling asleep. Other than that, we’re good to go. He never bed hogged either.
Pregnancy has brought out the sleep monster in him. Why? I don’t know. It’s as if when he falls asleep he thinks HE is the one who is pregnant and in need of extra room, extra blankets, extra everything.
Multiple times per night I will be woken up by random weird things happening in my once-comfy bed. While I tend to run hot, I still wake up freezing because I have zero covers. meanwhile, Thomas is bundled up like a freaking eskimo in the arctic.
One or two times per night, I get woken up by an elbow to the face. Someone is not respecting MY side of the bed. It is mine. I want it, and I want ALL of it. I should get 75%, really, i’m being generous by still giving him half.
Lately, there is a new way Thomas has taken over the bed. The more I get up to pee, the more I have to fight for my spot in the bed when I return. I’m not even gone for 2 minutes, but when I return.. he’s on my pillow. I am not amused by this. I have a weird phobia about other people touching my pillow. Weird? Maybe.. just the thought of someone elses germs getting all over where I put my face for multiple hours in a row creeps me out. So someone elses face getting face and drool and nose germs all over where I put my face? Regardless of whether it’s my husband or not.. totally icks me out.
I wish we had the room for a king sized bed.. and then i’d stick a pillow in between us with a sign attached saying “DO NOT CROSS!” just so I could get my sleep without being elbowed, twitched at, or having my blanket or pillow thieved from me.
I miss sleep.. and I know I won’t be seeing it on a regular basis again for another year. Save me.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.