Most people would assume with my larger than life size and inability to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in that I would be the queen of all bed hogs. That poor poor Thomas would be shivering curled up on a 2 inch space on one side of the bed with no covers while I sprawled out in the middle in complete and utter bliss.
Most people would be wrong.
Before getting pregnant, things in the sleep department were pretty good. We bought a new mattress (because my fat ass wore an enormous bed-long sized dent in it from my mega-fatty pregnancy with Holden) which seemed to alleviate all the back pain I was having from lugging Holden around all the time. I’m not a cuddler, at all.. I like my space when I sleep, I don’t like being breathed on, and I get overheated quickly, so for the most part we just kept to our sides of the bed. This worked well for me. I am a huge fan of sleep. A sleep enthusiast if you will. I don’t take up much space, my favorite sleep position is curling up right on the edge with one leg out from under the covers, so calling me a bed hog would be the opposite of what I actually am.
Thomas is a twitcher. A perpetual twitcher. And not just little twitches, but ones that wake me out of a solid sleep, or keep me from falling asleep. Other than that, we’re good to go. He never bed hogged either.
Pregnancy has brought out the sleep monster in him. Why? I don’t know. It’s as if when he falls asleep he thinks HE is the one who is pregnant and in need of extra room, extra blankets, extra everything.
Multiple times per night I will be woken up by random weird things happening in my once-comfy bed. While I tend to run hot, I still wake up freezing because I have zero covers. meanwhile, Thomas is bundled up like a freaking eskimo in the arctic.
One or two times per night, I get woken up by an elbow to the face. Someone is not respecting MY side of the bed. It is mine. I want it, and I want ALL of it. I should get 75%, really, i’m being generous by still giving him half.
Lately, there is a new way Thomas has taken over the bed. The more I get up to pee, the more I have to fight for my spot in the bed when I return. I’m not even gone for 2 minutes, but when I return.. he’s on my pillow. I am not amused by this. I have a weird phobia about other people touching my pillow. Weird? Maybe.. just the thought of someone elses germs getting all over where I put my face for multiple hours in a row creeps me out. So someone elses face getting face and drool and nose germs all over where I put my face? Regardless of whether it’s my husband or not.. totally icks me out.
I wish we had the room for a king sized bed.. and then i’d stick a pillow in between us with a sign attached saying “DO NOT CROSS!” just so I could get my sleep without being elbowed, twitched at, or having my blanket or pillow thieved from me.
I miss sleep.. and I know I won’t be seeing it on a regular basis again for another year. Save me.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.