And now I don’t feel so bad

Lately i’ve been feeling guilty because Holden’s had a pretty boring summer. Due to being pregnant and the intense heat and humidity that Virginia offers, we just can’t do all of the things i’d like for us to do (and i’m sure he’d like to do) without causing me extreme pain and misery. When it comes to Holden, I never like to put myself first, but there’s just no way around it right now unfortunately.

If Holden had it his way, he would be outside wreaking complete havoc all day long every single day, and i’d be chasing him making sure he didn’t run into the street, eat bugs, or poke his eye out with sticks (which he loves to collect and show off proudly). After about ten minutes outside, i’m drenched in sweat and my toes turn red and it’s just not fun anymore. We end up going inside after about 30-45 minutes and I always feel bad, because he ALWAYS cries while i’m dragging him back in the door.
I’d love to take him to the zoo, to the park, to playgrounds.. I know he’d absolutely love it, but I just simply don’t have the energy and am in too much pain to hover over him like he requires me to do.

Then a day like today comes along.. and I start to not feel so bad for taking him out as often as he or I would like.

Today a friend of mine took family/maternity photos of us to build up her portfolio. The prettiest place we could think to do these was out in historic Yorktown. Full of fields, and old houses, hedge mazes.. all kinds of crap for Holden to get into- and boy did he ever.
I literally do not think he stopped moving for five seconds. One second he was climbing steps, the next he was chasing bugs, running through fields, climbing on benches, trying to run into the street.. basically running us ragged and making it practically impossible to get a picture of his face.
When we tried to get him to stop for ONE second and go where we needed him to go? Monster child came out. Screaming, crying, arching.. total defiance.

I had a feeling that this was the way he would act, he’s always been ridicuously stubborn. He doesn’t like being told what to do, where to go, how to play, when NOT to play.. today was a harsh reminder of just that..
And it made me not feel so bad about not taking him all over town to run amock.
There is absolutely no way in hell I could handle chasing him around by myself with this big fat belly and my pelvis screaming at me to stop moving altogether. I’d either end up breaking my water, breaking my hip, or Holden would get away from me and (a horrifying thought) i’d lose him. I can’t chance any of that.

Maybe I should be thankful that he’s so young right now he won’t remember having a mega-boring summer. Next summer will be a challenge. Having a 3 year old who will be cognitive enough to know he’s bored and hold it against me, and an almost 1-year old who will most likely not be walking (or not walking well) and i’ll have to lug around like a brick? Sounds like fun…
At least that’s a year away, and hopefully Holden will have calmed down by that point.
That is my dream.. a calm child…

Yeah… i’m not counting on that to happen.

Posted on September 6, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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1 Comment

  • We have been indoors more or less all summer long for pretty much the same reasons. Atleast next summer M1 will know how to listen and won’t hightail it for the street and M2 won’t have any choice to NOT listen. 😀

    It’s not too much longer!