Advice to live by

When it comes to talking to a pregnant woman when you’re not pregnant- there are certain things you just don’t do or say. With all the crazy hormones rushing through their systems, you never quite know how something that could be seemingly harmless, innocuous or seemingly helpful may make them react, especially in the last few weeks.

Never tell a pregnant woman how she looks like she’s ‘ready to pop’, or that it looks like they’re having twins. We know we’re fat. We know we’re swollen- we don’t need to hear any kind of comment confirming the fact that we are both of those things. If anything, you should tell her that she looks fantastic.. and then be prepared for her to respond with how ridiculously fat she feels. It just makes us feel better to not have to hear how big we are every day of the week. By the same token, don’t tell a pregnant woman that she doesn’t look as far along as she is. That won’t go over very well either. Just say “you look wonderful!” and call it a day. Keeping size out of the statement is key.

It would probably be best to not ask a pregnant woman how she’s feeling. It’s along the same lines of asking someone how they’re feeling after their dog died. The answer is obviously: ‘I feel like shit’, there’s no need to ask or bring it up at all. Do yourself a favor, and for once just assume it. Do you really want to hear about an achy pelvis, leaky nipples and absurd amounts of vaginal discharge? I didn’t think so.

Never, in any circumstance, tell a pregnant woman “Wow you still have a long ways to go!”
This will only cause you harm. Whether physical, or by the look of death boring a hot hole through the center of your eyes.. it will cause you harm. Pregnancy is 40 weeks of hell, we are well aware of how long we have left, and how long those weeks will feel. We are also well aware of the fact that being pregnant in the summer time is miserable and do not need to be reminded of such things. it’s hot in the summer WITHOUT a huge belly added on, so isn’t it kind of a no-brainer that it would be hot WITH a huge belly? Use common sense.

Finally, because i’m keeping this short and sweet (I could go on for daaaaayyysss, but I won’t), do not try and sympathize with a pregnant woman. Do not try to coddle. Do not tell her that “Oh stop worrying, the end is near!”
She will cut you.
If you aren’t pregnant, those words should never leave your mouth. Does your pelvis ache? Do you have a womb leech kicking the ever loving shit out of your insides? Are you currently worrying that you may have to have a c-section, or be induced, or have something go wrong in the delivery room? Do you have doctors shoving their fingers in your no-no bits once (or more) a week? Do you have to push a child out of your snatch in the coming weeks?
If the answer to all of that is no, then just stay quiet. The last few weeks of pregnancy are the most miserable and most stressful. Telling a pregnant woman to stop worrying is like telling a baby to stop crying. Moot point. Only makes things worse. There is only one solution to all of these problems- and that is popping the kid out.. and that’ll happen when baby is good and ready. Not worrying is not an option. Once again, we know how long we have left- you don’t need to try and push home the fact that there isn’t long left.. that doesn’t make the time that is left any LESS miserable, it just makes you seem insensitive.

Moral of the story? Take this one word to heart: “SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Posted on September 24, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • My personal favorite is all of the things that people DON’T tell you, and then you find out after the baby has popped out. No one told me what a swollen hobbit I was starting to resemble, until after I gained 11 pounds in water weight, had cankles, gave birth, and then saw some TERRIBLE after pictures. And I felt great!

    Shit, I thought I was really doing good this last pregnancy, but that didn’t stop everyone lying to me about how I looked like the Michelin Man’s wife.

    The end is in sight. I can’t wait to see him!

  • I agree-I can’t wait to see him! I understand how ready you are to get it him out here(in some ways lol). I only hope I haven’t said anything that has made you want to cut me! 🙂

  • lol Michelle- if you feel good, then people see you as looking good. Maybe it was a confidence thing??

    Terrie- nope you’re in the clear. It’s one thing to have someone who’s recently (at least in the past few years) had a kid doling out advice, it’s another to have someone who is well over 20 years out trying to tell me all kinds of things they have no idea about. Just annoying.

  • You left a lot out that I would have said. But i hated hated hated when people said “wow, you like you’re about to pop!” when I still had ten weeks *rollseyes*