Let’s get it out of the way in the beginning- my family is a poopy kind of family. Some of my first memories come from remembering my Grandaddy pooping and knowing to stay away from the hallway with the bathroom off of it because of the smell that would permeate that entire half of the house. This concept was not lost on my Dad’s system either. It’s some weird nasty genetic trait that NO ONE wants to inherit.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I don’t know if my Grandaddy had/has it.. but I sure as hell know my Dad does! It’s like clockwork after every single meal: “Let me hit the little boys room” always means ‘I need to take a crap, like, NOW’
Food just doesn’t last long in his system.. or my brother’s system (although he doesn’t like to admit it), or my damn system. I’ve been plagued with being a constant pooper since highschool. Just the time when you want to be pooping for no apparent reason, right??
Not that I would want to be constipated all the time.. or irregular- as that is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world and I prefer to just get it OUT if it needs to get out.
When Holden was born, it seemed sort of like he was the opposite of my family. He had a lot of constipation issues.. probably due to formula and the addition of oatmeal to his bottles to help with reflux. His poor little butt had so many issues trying to push out a hard turd when most babies are having liquid shits up their backs multiple times per day.
As he got older, the constipation issues subsided a tad thank God. With that came more of a pooping schedule, Holden’s been a ‘one a day, maybe two if i’m feeling spontaneous’ kind of guy.. and I have no complaints! The less poop, the better.. because if you’ve had a kid you know that as they get older, they get more human looking poop.. bigger poop.. and while it’s easier to clean up them mushy baby poop- to me it’s always been able to induce a gag while baby poop never did.
It seems the more potty trained Holden gets, the more he poops. How this has any correlation? I have NO idea, but it really does appear to be the case.
Past few days are case in point. Yesterday he pooped 3 potty times in a row, and then one more time about an hour later. Not little turds either, but full on craps.
Going from one poop a day right after breakfast (like clockwork) that I knew was coming.. to suddenly crapping 4 times in under 2 hours was a total shock to me. WHAT was making him poop so much? He didn’t eat that much.. so where is all the poop coming from??
I thought to myself ‘ok, maybe he saved it up from the past few days?’ even though he’d pooped one good one every day all week.. Somehow it made more sense then.
Today takes the pooptacular cake though. Three poops in a row, once again (even though half of one got in his diaper, curses! He’d been asking me to ‘pee’ and I didn’t believe him.. that’s because he really meant poop and ran away when I asked him if he needed to pee. Sigh…)
After that I figured we were done for the day. Wrong. Another poop right after lunch… and then yet ANOTHER right after his nap.
Seriously, the kid doesn’t eat that much. How his intestines can contain so much poop blows my mind.
Does this mean he’s inherited the poopy gene and it’s already rearing it’s ugly head? I sure as hell hope not. At least mine waited until I could hold it to bother me at inopportune times. The last thing I want is Holden to start crapping his pants in public again. He hasn’t done that in about a year (with the exception of when he wasn’t feeling well and decided to let one rip in the grocery line. Yummy!)
I’d prefer him to go back to being a one-a-dayer. Please! Words can’t describe how tired I am of looking at his weird shaped ‘way too big to be coming out of that little hole’ that smells so foul even breathing out of your mouth doesn’t help, poop.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.