One of my worst pregnancy fears (other than the extremely horrifying stuff that I won’t mention here in order not to freak myself and others out) is having to have a c-section.
I’ve never liked the thought of surgery, being cut open, stitched up.. none of that appeals to me in the slightest- ESPECIALLY not if i’m awake while it’s being done. I’m squeamish when it comes to blood and gore and having my insides pulled out, plopped on top of me, and then a baby yanked from my womb completely freaks me out. I honestly can’t even watch any baby birthing show that is going to be a c-section, that’s how visceral my reaction is to it.
Not that vaginal delivery is all that fun, but i’ll take pushing a bowling ball out of my va-jay and/or tearing over being cut open ANY day.
While being induced with Holden, the threat of c-section was looming over my head the entire time. The nurses were a bunch of sadists and liked to tell me if I didn’t have Holden that day- they’d be cutting off all of my earrings and slicing him out of me. I had never even considered the possibility, really, even though it’s a possibility for everyone- so my immediate reaction was to hyperventilate. As soon as I did that? Active labor. A few hours labor, Holden popped out of my cooch without a lot of incident (by a lot I mean anything really considered serious.. ’cause I was snipped twice and my epi didn’t work, but I digress).
Among other factors, baby has to be in head down position in other to be birthed from your loins. Holden was very cooperative when it came to that. He started out transverse and then moved to head down (and we’re talking, DOWN) very early on and never moved back out of that position. He seemed very comfortable with his face snuggled tightly in my pelvis.
This kid, of course, has to be a rebel. He’s all over the place. How can I tell? Hiccup placement. It seems strange, but I know by where his hiccups are if he’s head down or not. If the hiccups are in my hip- he’s definitely snuggling the pelvis. If they’re under my bellybutton, he’s transverse. Those are his two favorite positions and he’s been switching back and forth between them this entire pregnancy. Transverse doesn’t worry me, easy enough to get from there to head down, and he still has a few weeks before him not being ‘locked into position’ becomes a serious concern.
What really makes me worry is breech (head up) position. That takes a full 180 degree turn to change, and when I woke up this morning and felt hiccups near my ribs I knew that’s exactly how he was sitting.
I am not a big girl, and this is reportedly a large child.. he is very quickly going to run out of room to move, and if that happens while he’s compressing my lungs and trying to pick apart my ribs piece by piece, he won’t be able to get back into rocket launching position without force.
Force freaks me out. If you haven’t, look up spinning babies. There are ways to ‘spin’ your child head down… while they’re inside of your uterus. Trust me, this is not a fun process. In fact, apparently it is so painful that they offer you an epidural while you’re surrounded by a handful of nurses & a doctor that are shoving, pushing, pulling and pressing your stomach in all kinds of directions. And there’s not a 100% success rate either.
Not a single bit of that sounds like an enjoyable time to me. This child needs to not torment me and get his chunky little butt into the correct position for me to push him through my birth canal. Otherwise you might catch me standing on my head or doing something else ridiculous to try and sway him to do so on his own.
Winning Advice from an 8-year old goo.gl/fb/MmhfYU
Y'know what's awesome? I don't even have to waste time trying new recipes because my kids will tell me they hate it before I start cooking.
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.