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Sooner or later?

With only 7 weeks left in my pregnancy until 40 weeks, the only thought crossing my mind has been ‘when is this baby going to come?’
I’ve said it so many times before and i’ll say it again: I do not want this baby to come early. We aren’t ready yet, Holden hasn’t had his birthday yet and I don’t want him to share a birthday month, so many reasons to keep this kid baking in the oven.

As the days progress, though, all that’s going through my mind is that there is no way I can last another 7 weeks. I know lots of women say that. Pregnancy towards the end is never an incredibly comfortable thing to deal with.. but I feel like mine is spiraling out of control. I’m just not supposed to be feeling this bad so soon.

Braxton hicks? Yeah, ok, I learned to deal with those a long ass time ago. They’re not so bad on their own, but they have taken over my days and spread to my back to where i’m literally having to breath through them. Pelvic pain? It sucks, and it hurts, but i’d just accepted it came along with being pregnant for a second time. Now it’s hard for me to walk, and peeing at night? Almost impossible. I hobble across the hall to the bathroom like someone plagued by rheumatoid arthritis.
Those, combined with the constant nausea i’ve been feeling the past few days, not wanting to eat in fear of getting violently ill, chugging water like it’s my job just HOPING maybe it will make me feel better.. not being able to keep anything in my stomach, extreme exhaustion and horrible irritability and not even being able to touch the area around my bellybutton because it’s so painful (and not because I caught it on that damn bathroom door), the vajay pain, and my boobs once again exploding in size?
All of that makes me feel like this baby is coming sooner rather than later. Like my body is checking out and saying: I AM DONE, GET THIS THING OUT OF ME. These things I don’t think should be happening for at least 4 more weeks, if not longer than that.

I don’t like to whine. Complaining can be fun, but i’m tired of complaining. I just want to feel normal. Just for a few days. Instead I have this sinking feeling that it’s only going to get worse and I don’t know how to handle it. How can it get worse than this? How can it get worse for SEVEN more weeks? Life isn’t fair, no, but this just seems cruel and unusual.
I want to be able to get my fat ass off the couch and play with Holden, who has been incredibly understanding for the past week by just bringing books to the couch and sitting by me and letting me read to him instead of tearing through the house like a little hellion. I want to have the energy to cook and bake and pick up the destruction zone that is the living room. I want to be able to set up the nursery and go shopping for more baby things..
And I don’t have the energy and am too uncomfortable and generally in too much pain to do any of that.

My body is just not meant to carry babies, it’s made that perfectly clear. As much as i’d like a little girl YEARS down the line (YEARS, ya hear that?!).. at this point, i’m thinking that’s a non option. I don’t think I can put myself through this again. It’s not fair to me, or anyone around me.. because I just feel like being nothing but a whiny monster bitch all the time, and that’s only fun for so long.

Posted on August 20, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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3 Comments

  • awww this made me sad. The end of pregnancy always makes you feel that way and I doubt you have 7 more weeks. I bed you have 3 or 4 because there’s no way you’re due in october!

  • Yes, we would both love to have this last until term (for the reasons of his birthday and others). You seem to not have normal, happy pregnancies. With Holden it was a lot of the same, braxton hicks all the time, hypertension, etc.

    We do have to start preparing for an early arrival (although that sounds terrible). I just know that even if baby comes… like tomorrow. We still have time to set up the nursery because baby is going to be in the bassinet for the first few weeks.

  • Yeah..the way you feel isn’t a good sign for lasting until October. I didn’t start feeling THAT uncomfortable and THAT ready to get her out until the very last month. 🙁 I still felt good (big and hot…but good, lol) 7 weeks out. I’ll wish you luck that he holds out though.