RSVP: A dying tradition

There’s no shame in admitting that i’m helping to plan my own baby shower. When you help plan things that are technically for you, they tend to go a little better anyways. Well, that and the fact that i’m not a big fan of surprises or disappointment.. so having a hand in it should at least put my mind at a little bit more ease, shouldn’t it?

The shower is VERY quickly approaching. The menu is planned, we’re working out the games.. other than that there’s not a whole lot to do other then sit back and wait for the RSVPs to come rolling in.. because people should be RSVPing, shouldn’t they?

I don’t know what’s going on lately, if it’s a generational thing, or just plain laziness these days but it seems like people don’t think they have to RSVP to parties anymore. I had issues with Holden’s birthday party getting people to tell me whether or not they were coming, but not NEARLY as many as i’m having with this baby shower. It’s actually really ridiculous and is putting me on edge.
When you live on a strict budget, it’s important to know how many people are coming because you can’t exactly afford to overspend, and the last thing you want to do is not have enough food or drink.

My friend Nicole and I sent out the invites for the baby shower over a week ago, a little over two weeks in advance for the shower. I shouldn’t have had expectations so high as to hear from people (yes OR no, didn’t matter, just wanted to have answers in quickly), but I got my hopes up that i’d be able to have a guesstimate by this weekend.
Not only had I hardly heard from anyone by the weekend, but I even went out of my way to e-mail/text/call everyone I hadn’t heard from to ask if they were coming or not, or if they were waiting on a work schedule or something of that nature and STILL, very few people even bothered to respond to my messages.

The only thing going through my mind is: WOW.
If there is one thing that will definitely change as you get married and have children, it’s your friends. Especially if you’re relatively young when you delve into those two aspects of life. Especially when your other friends are not interested in doing either of those two things any time soon, if even at all.
It will really make you question who your friends are, or if they’re really your friends at all. And those are never fun things to think about.

I guess the part that bothers me the most is that it isn’t just people i’m not SUPER close with not responding, it’s family, people I considered closest friends, bridesmaids that are the ones who aren’t RSVPing or responding to messages i’ve sent. That’s the most hurtful part.

I know the shower will be fun with the people who have RSVPed, it just sucks to know that I invoted so many more people who I thought for sure would be amped on coming.. if for nothing else, to hang out and for the yummies i’ll be making that are seriously letting me down.
Saying no is one thing, saying NOTHING is what bugs me.

With the baby shower only a few days away, I should be excited.. not stressed about how many people are going to bail at the last second (happened last time.. with a LOT of people), and how small the shower might end up being. It’s that whole highschool fear of throwing a birthday party and having no one show up.

There’s one thing I CAN tell you, the irritated sweaty pregnant bitch in me wants to yell at people, or if people show up who haven’t bothered to say a word to me (psh, we’ll see if that happens at all!) about whether or not they had even planned on coming at all- to tell them they aren’t eating the damn food!
But I won’t, because i’m nice.. and will sadly just be happy if people come to celebrate my fatness with me.
How much more can I really harrass people? I feel like i’ve done all I can. I’ve tried to include people as much as I can in this pregnancy, tried to keep in touch even with my hectic days and Holden not letting me talk on the phone (ever). A little reciprocation would be nice, so I guess we’ll see what happens there.

The last thing I need is to be left with TONS of leftover fattening (yet delicious) baked goods.

Posted on August 3, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden



  • People are TERRIBLE at this. It was such a pain in the ass trying to get RVSPs back for my wedding, and I even made it easy for them with a pre-stamped envelope. I had to frantically call and email people at the last minute to get a food head count too.

    So many things that are just the right thing to do have been thrown under the bus as old-fashioned at best, snobby at worst. Even some people I know are under this false impression that certain types of etiquette are classist and just to prove you are better than other people. Ugh. It’s called tact and being respectful of others. I’m sure everyone doesn’t philosophize it that much, but to the types of people who show up at wedding receptions in shorts and tees with a “why does it matter??” attitude, I’m sure they just don’t know or care.

  • I can see some traditions as being outdated and needing to be put out of their misery..
    but not dressing up to someone’s reception, unless it’s noted that it is CASUAL (and not business casual) is just rude.
    So is not RSVPing. The more I think about it the more angry I get. Yes, you’re invited, but if you think you can just show up to my house without a word from the time you received the invite to the party date about whether or not you were coming- ESPECIALLY when I repeatedly asked- you’ve got another thing coming.
    Think bridezilla is bad? Try preggozilla.

  • I disagree with you Jen
    Friends and Family are all we have in the true sense of the word, and to be treasured and loved for who they are. So what is they are busy or don’t know their plans til the last minute. Plan on eight to ten, that is the average for a baby shower. Relax and enjoy. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff.
    plan on having a great time with one or twenty.

  • Oh trust me, I appreciate friends and family.. but the ones who are actually around. I have plenty of both who couldn’t seem to give a crap less. I think people, regardless of blood relation have to earn a spot in your life and not just expect it.
    it’s the ones whom I have given places in my life and hold near and dear that aren’t responding that are the ones that bother me when they don’t respond.
    If you’re busy, I totally get that- I know how busy life can be- but it should be a common courtesy to respond and let me know that instead of leaving me hanging.

    Makes sense to me! I always RSVP as soon as I know anything, and if I don’t know yet- i’ll tell the person i’m working on figuring it out so i’m not one of those they’re wondering about