And NEVER EVER get pregnant where the timing will make it so that your biggest most uncomfortable months are in the middle of the summer. You will live to rue the day, that I can promise you.
The ‘plan’ after giving birth to Holden in September and living through the hot & sweaty months 40 lbs heavier than usual was to have a spring baby the next time around. Then my biggest months would be during the winter. Extra fat to keep me warm when it’s cold, sounded pretty perfect to me.
Obviously, things did not go as planned.. should have expected that much! September in Virginia is still one of the hottest months of the year, and being due in the beginning of October means that once again, I get to be mega fat in the sweltering heat. And just my luck! It feels like the hottest muggiest summer ever.
Heat is one thing when you’re able to strip off the layers and cool down.. you can’t strip off a big fat belly.
And along with that belly comes sweat, pouring from places you never imagined you’d be able to sweat from.
Thighs? Check. Cleavage? Check. The fold between boobs & belly? Count on that one to DRIP sweat.
But the all time worst, most embarrassing place you will sweat from if you find yourself incubating a fetus during the summer?
GASP! Yes, I said it, your crotch will sweat. So will your ass, and your thighs.. basically that whole area turns into swampland.
While it may be some weird nasty kind of typical place to sweat for a dude- being that they have things hanging between their legs covered in hair that rub together uncomfortably.. Not so normal for a female.
The best advice I have? Wear dark pants, or you’ll sweat straight through whatever you’re wearing and it might just look like you pissed yourself. That combined with leaking like a faucet for no particular reason from your baby-chute and the off chance that you might cough/sneeze/laugh and pee a little?
Well.. not that i’m a fan or practice this extreme measure- but you might even want to go with a pantyliner.. or wear some really absorbent boy-short type underwear.
Even then, when it’s pushing 100 outside with muggy ass humidity like it is here.. you’re still not safe. I choose to avoid the heat altogether and stay the hell inside in air conditioning with the fans going with a glass of ice water by my side. I only feel guilty that Holden continually asks to go outside and I just can’t handle taking him out on days like today (… and the past few days for that matter).
Would it be too much to ask for a cold snap? Just for a few days? Just shaving off 15 degrees or so? That would be fantastic, thanks!
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB
I've never felt more in tune with nature than while watching my 8yo barf in the front yard this morning like a wild animal. Such majesty.