So.. how’s married life?

This is one of the questions I get from people all the time. Constantly. Not always my unmarried friends/family either, but pretty much anyone I haven’t spoken to in a while.

To me, it’s sort of a strange question. Shouldn’t married life, for the most part, be basically the same as when you were dating? Things shouldn’t completely change once you sign the piece of paper and take the vows. It’s just paper, it’s just words. The commitment comes waaayy before that.

Maybe people expect you to gush about being married and how amazing it is and it’s more than you ever could have imagined and all that ridiculously sappy bullshit.. I think in order to really want to marry someone, it should have been like that before you ever got married, and not only BECAUSE you got married.

These days getting married has this weird stigma that comes along with it. Dull, dry, lifeless, sexless.
The sexless part really only comes after you have kids. And not because you don’t WANT to necessarily, but because you really are too tired, or you don’t have the time.. or a billion other reasons that come along with kids. Sad, but true!
I find it weird to have the same level of intimacy (and not meaning just sex) when there’s a little kid running around. Will they care? No, not yet, but I find it a tad awkward to try and get all steamy when there’s a pair of little eyes watching you.

Or possibly people want you to tell them how God awful being married is, so it can confirm the thought in their head that they never want to get married, or have kids, or both.
Everyone i’ve ever known to say that.. has ended up both getting married AND having children (and not always in that order).

Getting married, sadly, does not hold the same values as it did, say 50 years ago. People are finding it less ‘necessary’ to do so.. possibly because of the staggering divorce rate these days.. but I feel that has a lot to do with people just settling instead of getting married because they really want to be married to the person they’re with.
Settling is never going to look very appealing, that’s for sure.

If you ask me- being married is just fine. I don’t feel like a wholly different person just because i’m married. I DO feel like a wholly different person because i’m a parent.. so maybe the more common question should be – “So how’s being a mommy?”
That, I could expand on for days, weeks, months….. obviously.

Posted on July 15, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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1 Comment

  • I do get that same question. More so from people whom are not married. They ask probably because they don’t know what it’s like.

    I also get the question about how’s being a parent, it’s fewer than the how’s being married, but it still comes up every once in a while.

    I feel the same way you do about marriage, it really is just the same (and should be) as dating.