I’m not going to sit here and whine and complain about how I want this baby out of me NOW.. regardless of how early it is, or unsafe, or the survival rate, etc etc..
I’d just like to expedite the whole ‘inventing time-travel’ process and fast forward to October already.
Let’s just get past all of the organization, nesting, cleaning, preparing, baby shower & Holden’s birthday and get this crap over with already.
Early? No thanks. I need all the time I can get to prepare for this kid, and for this kid to be prepared for the world. It’d just be nice to skip over the next few months.
It’s probably obvious by now that this pregnancy has become even more uncomfortable, painful, and ridiculous. I didn’t actually think it was possible.. but I guess that’s what happens when you assume.
The evacuation of my insides? Yep, still happening. Except now the worst of it hits me when i’ve FINALLY hit my REM cycle and my eyes snap open and suddenly I realize something very very bad is about to happen.
Am I catching the poop in a container like i’ve been asked to? Uhhh… NO! That’s about the last thing on my mind at 3 in the morning when i’ve been rudely awakened by whatever the hell is going on with my intestines. It’s more like a mad rush in pitch black to the toilet.. and I don’t think I need to paint a picture of what happens after that.
I woke up this morning, hoping to feel better.. and while I wasn’t gripping the toilet with white knuckles and grimmacing, I definitely didn’t feel good at all. It hurt to move and felt like hammers were pounding my skull in.
I put aside the guilt and decided NOT to work out, as it most likely wouldn’t make the situation any better.. probably the best thing i’ve done in a long time. Holden, for some reason, decided today was the perfect day to turn into a complete and total monster and basically screamed and threw fits for the majority of the day.
Just a craptacular day all around. With the head pounding, toddler screaming, tummy aching pain I was feeling- the braxton hicks I actually had to breathe through because they hurt so much made the day drag.
So yes- i’d like whoever is inventing time-travel to HURRY THE EFF UP. I won’t be strapping myself to some contraption like the one in Napoleon Dynamite and electrocuting myself though, i’m not that desperate…
but it’d be nice to snap my fingers and have a full-term baby in my arms and a potty-trained two year old right about now.
Just remember: calories don't count today. But just in case... wear stretchy pants. pic.twitter.com/vOCiF0YpEG
Being a parent makes you thankful for some weird shit holdinholden.com/2013/11/what…
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is the part where my kids whine about being hungry all day and then only eat mashed potatoes.
What you REALLY need to make Holiday (or ANY) Travel Bearable goo.gl/fb/1BdFtj
Other moms: I finished Christmas shopping for my kids in June! Me: pic.twitter.com/FT3tlWGWd2
@CJPendragon learn something new every day!
@WeberWriting Absolutely. It takes a bit of time and juggling but it is 100% doable. Just have to ignore the sanctimommies of the world
Don't feel bad for tossing frozen chicken strips in the oven and calling it dinner. Don't even feel bad if you don't turn them over. holdinholden.com/2016/05/shit…
To the piece of crap who broke into my car over the weekend- You think you found nothing of value to steal, but you actually took with you the nasty head cold my family has been passing around in that very vehicle for the past week. Enjoy, scumbag! xoxo, Germ Infested SUV