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Where the hell is my Belly Band?!?!?

If there were a scale for housewives to judge how ‘good’ they are (and that’s all perception, really) at what they do.. I think i’d at least earn a 7.
Before getting pregnant I think I was near the 9 mark. I prided myself on cleaning the entire house every Monday by myself. Getting knocked up and unable to exert as much physical energy as I used to put a large damper on my cleaning. I still sweep the dining room every day and sometimes the living room, do the dishes, cook all the meals.. all the regular household crap.

The one thing I can’t seem to keep up with is the laundry. We don’t create a huge abundance of it- it’s just that before moving here we didn’t have our own washer & dryer.. so it had to be hauled all the way across the townhouse complex to the craptastic ‘facility’ there- Thomas always did the honors. I find myself forgetting to do it, or not wanting to waste water on a tiny load.. so it begins to pile up until I have nothing left to wear (being pregnant, I don’t have much in the way of clothes anyways) and am forced to wear really hideous ill-fitting clothing until the load is done.

Friday happened to be one of those days, lucky me. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize, is i’d been wearing strictly maternity bottoms (or non pregnancy capris, which are looser on my expanding hips and thighs) for eehh… two weeks? So when I went to put on a pair of my regular pants, I was sorely disappointed to find that they did not fit. Correction… they fit, as in- I could button them up and walk around without tearing a seam but they were so incredibly uncomfortable that I felt like I was being suffocated.
With no other clothes to wear, there was only one option left- the Belly Band.

Basically, it’s just an elastic piece of fabric you can put over top of unbuttoned and/or unzipped pants to make regular pants fit when you don’t have or don’t want to wear maternity.. that is.. until your legs grow to seqoiua sized tree trunks- there’s no helping that.

I bought one when I was pregnant with Holden. I hated it. It was itchy.. it would ride up and end up exposing my unzipped pants and underwear- I was constantly adjusting it like an ill-fitting bra. Still, it worked, and I wore the shit out of it until it became summer and I gave up on pants and went strictly maternity.

This was my only hope of fitting into regular pants on Friday.. otherwise i’d have to wear sweats all day. I feel like a waste of space when I stay in pajamas all day, so that wasn’t something I really wanted to do.

I guess you can add ‘unpacking’ or ‘organizing’ to the list of things I suck at as a housewife, because I searched high and low for that stupid little piece of elastic and couldn’t find it anywhere. Even went as far as to climb my fat ass on top of a broken wooden chair to search the closets and came up empty handed.
Now that I can’t find it, it’s all I want! I don’t even like the stupid thing, but I would like the option to wear pants… Virginia weather sucks and it was NOT very warm today and I got a headache from clenching because I was cold. I just can’t win. I’m most certainly NOT going to buy another one of those bitches, they run something like $16.99.

I could cut and make that stupid thing myself, it’s not like it’s some modern marvel… but I still want mine back.

Posted on June 6, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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1 Comment

  • Now..Don`t laff. (to hard) but, 30 yrs. ago, I had the same problem, loathing maternity clothes, you think they are ugly now, you should have seen them then. Luckily, the fashions are the same.
    very low cut jeans/shorts. Especially the cotton/spandex jeans
    with slight stetch. Most all had the hard metal button. Use black Goody`s hairnostick rubberbands. Loop one end through the loop and the other to the snap. Add more rubberbands as you expand. Gets rid of tht wrap. wear long beaters and a top over it. Go where you shop and try on some strech jeans in a larger size, and try your rubberband.. It holds your pants on, and under your tummy, the last month I wore hubbies jeans, I didnt but much stuff, except dress clothes. Good luck lovya AS