It’s my party and i’ll cry if I want to

WARNING: pity party alert!

Every baby deserves a party. I am in the group of thought that regardless of how many kids you have, every new addition deserves some kind of celebration (well.. with exception. If you’re on kid #20, you should be donating your uterus to a museum instead of popping more out, but that’s just my opinion). Asking for presents on kid #4 is one thing (unless you’ve had 3 boys and this is a girl.. then it’s understandable), but why not celebrate a new life coming into this world? It’s an excuse to get together, have fun, and get excited for your new arrival.. so why not, right?

I’ll admit that i’m still bitter about my baby shower for Holden. It had nothing to do with the planning or the party itself. The party was great, the food was awesome, the games were fun.. but no one showed up. Two friends out of everyone i’d invited (of course some family was there, but in a way I think that’s sort of to be expected). I was so disappointed at how many calls and texts I got the day of the shower from people saying they couldn’t make it for such and such reasons. Here I was, so amped to have a huge baby shower and all my friends around me.. and it didn’t happen. Maybe my friends just kind of suck.. maybe it’s because my Dad’s house (where it was held) is waaayyy out in the ‘country’, who knows- I just know I still feel a little burned.

I wasn’t completely expecting a baby shower for this baby. Did I want one? Sure. Just wasn’t sure anyone would offer, and was worried the same thing would happen all over again.. but when a friend of mine offered to throw one I was totally amped.
There hasn’t been much in this pregnancy i’ve really looked forward to. It’s been pretty stressful- but I was really looking forward to having a baby shower for him…
And then my friend backed out.

Now what? No one else has offered.. time is winding down.. and i’m really sad about the whole thing. The one thing (other than actually holding my baby) I was really excited about was now quickly drifting away. How tacky would it be to have to throw one for myself when every baby shower i’ve ever heard of and ever been to was thrown by someone else? How sad would it be to have to ASK someone to throw my baby shower?

It feels sort of pathetic that I only had one person ask. Then again, I don’t have a lot of close friends who have kids, or live near me.. There’s not many people who if they were pregnant, i’d offer to throw a shower for so I wasn’t expecting an outpouring of people begging for the task.. would have been nice though.

A large part of me feels like this baby is sort of getting the shaft, which I don’t want. The last thing I want him to feel is (as my friend Erika calls it) “the second child syndrome.”
All hand me down stuff, nothing is as good as what Holden got.. etc etc.
I’ve tried to avoid that as much as possible- sure this baby is getting a ton of hand me downs but so did Holden, and just as Holden deserved a party- so does baby #2.

So where to go from here? Not really sure. Maybe by the grace of… something… it’ll work out. I’m trying not to be a huge pessimist about the entire thing- but I think anyone in my situation would be sad and disappointed.
Getting huge, fat, and blowing out your vagina without a party to celebrate it? What’s the point, then?!

Posted on June 14, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 8 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • Hey, I offered but we have quite a distance between us. Be fair!

    And I know what you mean about the second baby syndrome.. That’s why I went out and bought Jamesen some clothes the other day. I felt bad for making him wear all of Marcus’ stuff. I’m just going to throw a “meet the baby” party after the fact since I won’t need diapers or clothes or anything else.

    oh well.

    this post depressed me.

    you suck.

  • true- you did. I’d never expect anyone to travel 11 hrs to throw a baby shower!

    we don’t need anything BUT diapers & formula, so a shower really would have helped.

    I warned in advance it was a pity party post!

    I don’t know how you’re gonna deal with people crowing you and Jamesen right after he’s born- i’d want to seriously cut the shit out of people for crowding us

  • I would too but I’m too far away as well! I can see how people wouldn’t want to completely shower someone with gifts for second, third, etc babies (or second or third marriages, ha), but there’s nothing wrong with having a party and people bringing diapers and things. Every parent deserves to celebrate each baby as separate. I think it’s crappy to be able to show a first kid pictures of a baby shower and then tell the second- oh there wasn’t one for you!

    btw- if/when I get preg again, I am 100% planning my own shower, so I wouldn’t feel badly if I were you. Do it! It’s just a party to me- screw 50s etiquette! I let a friend plan my shower last time, and she disappeared from my life. She finally came back around after a month or two and planned this crappy party at the very last minute (literally- it was 1 week before my due date). Some people didn’t get their invites until afterward, and she didn’t even invite my mother! I still can’t believe my mom wasn’t at her first grandbaby’s shower. Ouch. Anyway- there was no cake, no games, no baby motif whatsoever, no anything that I wanted. Just crappy store bought snacks with a bunch of people standing around my kitchen looking bored. =/ (yes, she planned it in my house too! luckily someone warned me about it so I could CLEAN! it was supposed to be a surprise party…in my own house.) ARGH. I’m getting mad just thinking about it. Anyway, so next time I am planning it so I get exactly what I want! You should too and not feel badly AT ALL. When my friend wasn’t around all that time, my mom told me that she wished that she could plan it but she couldn’t because it “has” to be a friend, not family. No…no it doesn’t. Thomas could plan it and that would seem fine to me.

    OMG this is long. Whoops.

  • If I weren’t asking for anything I don’t think i’d feel as weird planning my own shower. You wouldn’t find it weird getting an invite from the actual preggo?
    I guess, then again, I have no idea who threw my friend’s shower- i’m assuming it was at the person’s house, but no clue who they were lol.

    I’ve NEVER heard that a friend had to throw a shower!! it’s anyone who feels so inclined.. I guess it goes to show how different peoples views are on the whole thing

  • I wouldn’t think it was weird- but maybe that’s just me. I just had an idea- you could send out invites and say they are from Holden to celebrate his brother’s arrival! That would be cute. How could anyone get mad at that? 😉

  • haha that would be a really cute idea! LUCKILY, a friend bailed me out and is going to take over. woohooooo 🙂

  • I totally get that feeling. I’m making some new special stuff for this baby that Marilyn never had the opportunity of (I didn’t start getting really crafty until she was a little bit older) and that gives me some consollation. Plus, she might be getting the cooler looking name on paper, but there is no other M name on this planet that is as great as Marilyn. 😀

    I kind of want a party too. 🙂

  • I beg to differ. Marcus is cooler than Marilyn! 😛