There is no shame in admitting that my entire life I have been a card carrying member of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee. Sure, it used to bother me that while everyone else’s chests were exploding, mine remained small, but the older I got the less bothersome it became. Seeing saggy bacon strip tits made me realize very quickly that I would much rather have mine small & perky than huge and saggy.
Even though my chest grew pretty large with my last pregnancy, it didn’t happen until the very end- so I didn’t have any time to do anything but just enjoy having huge (perky) boobs for once in my life. Had to relish them while they lasted- because they sure as hell didn’t last very long once Holden came screaming into the world. I was a little sad to see them go, and was hoping they’d stick around a lot longer (maybe permanently) but that just didn’t happen for me.
I’ve mentioned before that with this pregnancy, the boobs came immediately. Definitely a shocker for me. They came immediately and with a vengeance, because only recently has the searing god awful “I just got implants” pain stopped and i’ve been able to accidentally graze myself without wincing.
Now that i’ve had a little more time with the big’uns, there are things i’ve noticed that really just sort of baffle me.. or gross me out… or weird me out.
The main thing being cleavage sweat. Is this even normal? I realize it’s summer, and it’s hot.. and I suppose you could even call me a ‘sweaty’ person because I have hyperhidroses that I take a topical medication for so i’m not a disgusting sweaty mess- but to go outside for just a few minutes and feel sweat dripping down my cleavage is not cute. Murky cleavage? Who wants that??
I’d expect the swamp boob issue if you had.. say.. a size F boob. Things that big and bulky are bound to work up a sweat all on their own.. but a C?
And speaking of C.. I’m not even sure I am one anymore. Considering that i’ve never really had the opportunity to grow OUT of a bra up until now- the growing boob thing baffles me. How do you REALLY know if a bra is too small? I THINK that the Cs I just bought are too small because the cups are leaving lines on my boobs (giving the effect of a see-through bra once I take them off, cute!) but when I go into the store and look at D cup bras… Well, there’s just no way I could even dream of fitting into those. It’s this HUGE jump, or it looks like it anyways. They look like chest shields. How are Ds and Cs so much different in size? I don’t even want to try them on in fear of them laughing themselves off of me… and because if I get up to a D, man.. my boobs are going to look like accident victims after I give birth and they deflate like sad little balloons.
I’m sure right now people are thinking ‘well, if boob size is the biggest concern of yours, you should be pretty happy’- but the truth of it is.. they sit on my chest and taunt me all day.. so how can I not think about them? Sure, I could go on and on about my uterine pain.. or pelvic pain.. or gas pain.. but today is the tits!
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times