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Sizing up the ‘competition’

As i’ve written about before- I have NEVER been a fan of the sport of ‘baby comparing.’ I’ve always found it sort of pointless- and hurtful to the person who’s being ‘one-upped.’

It’s not that I expected it to ever stop as Holden got older.. Moms will always be moms. The ones who love to compare and contrast their child’s new milestones with yours will always want to do so- and they’ll always want their kid to be ‘better’ than yours.. regardless if that means stretching the truth on their part.. I suppose I thought i’d just get used to it and be able to tune it out.

In a way, i’ve become more tolerant to it.. I don’t really associate myself with other moms who compete, and when i’m faced with it, I give the shortest answer possible and try not to feed into this ridiculous twisted sport. Still, I find it to be really annoying.

Before, when Holden was little.. it was just little things like “Oh my baby can roll over and lift his/her head up for 30 seconds!” when your kid was still sort of a lump and their head was too fat to hold up.
Now it’s become things that are obviously more important to parents, like learning language and shapes and colors. There’s a lot more to focus on.. which leads to a lot more to worry about when another mom is bragging about how advanced their child is because they can count to five and yours is just running in circles babbling incoherently.
Every little thing that your child ISN’T doing that it seems ‘every’ other child is starts to make you think that your kid is a big fat dummy.

99% of the time- it’s not the case. Throughout life, every child is going to learn things at a different rate. One child will excell in one area that another may struggle in and vice-versa. I can’t count the number of times a friend of mine who has a kid the same age gets worried because another mom is going on and on about how their kid knows all their colors and hers just doesn’t seem interested in learning. I always try to assure them it’s not a big deal. All you can do is encourage- and your child WILL get there.
I’d really just like to dropkick all the braggers. Yes, be proud of your little genius, but not at the expense of another mom.

Is Holden doing all the things that other kids are doing? Nope. Am I worried? Nope. I know he’s smart. He might not be able to name a shape out loud, or always be able to tell apart red from blue- but that means nothing to me. He’s perceptive. He can point to things if I ask him to find them. He is inquisitive and thoughtful. The language will catch up to that when he feels like saying the words outloud.
There’s not a huge need to worry until they turn 2, sometimes even after that. And once our kids DO start talking- we’ll miss the days where we had a quiet moment to ourselves… because once they start talking, they never shut the fuck up- and that’s the truth.

We all need to take a step back and relax.. and roll our eyes at the moms who base their child’s intelligence on how ‘far ahead’ they are of the pack (and I put that in quotes because I don’t think knowing more words or more colors makes one child farther ahead). One set back, one piddly little milestone that isn’t reached at exactly the ‘right’ time and I bet they’ll be boohooing just like everyone else.

If we all sat in front of our toddlers for an hour a day and repeatedly counted to five over and over, i’m pretty sure our kids would be able to repeat it right back- just like a parrot. It doesn’t make anyone smarter or more stupid, and that’s what we ALL need to remember.

Posted on May 25, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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1 Comment

  • All of our kids are so smart at this age! They are able to understand what we’re saying and react in the proper way! It doesn’t matter if they know their colors/shapes right now anyway. They will get it when they get it. Unnecessary worry! 🙂