I’ll admit it- when it comes to Holden i’m a bit of a control freak.
He was such an unhappy infant due to reflux that it made everything so much easier and calmer in our household to have everything on a strict schedule, do everything a certain way. Not to mention Holden was so picky, he WANTED things a certain way or the screaming would start again.
That, plus me being a first time over-protective mommy equaled me not really wanting anyone else near him.
During the times where he would scream about 90% of the time he was awake, I probably lost my mind about a billion times over but I still couldn’t just call someone up and say “please come watch Holden so I can have a mental break.”
Not only because I didn’t want to let go and let someone else take over because I feared them doing it wrong, but because I didn’t really have anyone around willing to do so. Or not at the times I needed it most (during the day, when everyone was at work).
I most likely made things much harder than they had to be- and not letting go of control for so long made it easy for me to just NEVER let go.
Holden’s been babysat maybe a handful of times, and the longer I have him all to myself the longer I want to KEEP him all to myself- especially now that his little brother will be here soon and these moments where it’s just Holden and I are numbered.
Does it make me crazy that these days I really don’t mind spending my time with Holden? I don’t really even feel the need for a ‘break’ like I used to. It helps that he isn’t screaming like a banchee or puking all over me.. or up 7 hours a night doing both.
I know I deserve ‘me’ time, ALL mothers deserve some time to themselves every now and then. I get mine every 6-8 weeks when I go to get my hair done and guess who i’m thinking and/or talking about the whole time? Yep. Holden.
I think i’m obsessed. It’s an addiction I can’t kick.
Holden is my crack (second place goes to Krispy Kreme and sweet tea).
I do NOT want to be the overbearing insane cunt mother who doesn’t let Holden off of a very short leash when he gets older. Those kids turn out to either be crazy rebel drug addicts, or total closet cases, going to school in clothes that don’t fit with their peers asking them if they’re “waiting for a flood.” I prefer Holden to be well-adjusted (I can’t say normal.. because what is normal, really?)
Will I ever think any girl is good enough for him? Probably not.. but I think I can scale back the crazy a little bit as long as she isn’t a super skank… Let me not think about him dating for a VERY long time.
I’ll just leave it as- I hope to not as be as crazy and protective then as I am now. Holden’s too young to fend for himself.. so I feel for now it’s justified (or that’s what i’ll tell myself anyways.)
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
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Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
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