This kid seriously must be on steroids (the one baking, not Holden, although sometimes I think the same for him, too).
First, I wasn’t showing at all when I thought I should be- and now I feel as though i’m exploding all at once. Not good for my skin at all.
When you gradually get bigger in pregnancy, it’s just so much easier on your skin and your comfort level. It has time to grow WITH the belly, instead of screaming in agony when your stomach is growing in ginormous leaps and bounds all at once.
Really, today, I feel like my skin is just going to tear open and this kid is gonna go flying out of me like a face hugger from “Aliens.” It’s that ridiculous.
It probably doesn’t help that my favorite thing to eat in the world is bread and starch, which expands in your stomach after you’ve eaten it- causing extreme amounts of bloat and discomfort when I already have extreme amounts of bloat and discomfort.
That’s right- i’m a smart one.
My skin seriously better not look like an over blown beach ball by the end of this pregnancy! It fared so well with Holden, just not sure it’s going to grant me the same courtesy this time around.
Even with all the excess room- Boy #2 is literally beginning to beat the ever loving shit out of my insides as though he has none at all. LIES!
Today was so extreme I literally felt an arm or leg poking out of the right side of my stomach and had to push it back in. This one is an ornery one, that’s for sure.
I think this heat is just causing everyone discomfort. Probably turning my stomach into an ultra-hot oven, baking him way too fast.
PLEASE do not let me have a 13 pound baby. I don’t think my va-jay can handle that. Holden at 7lbs3oz was enough for me to have to get snipped twice and threatened with a vacuum- can you IMAGINE me trying to push out a 13 pounder?
Actually, scratch that, don’t imagine it. Bad enough for me to think about it- I certainly don’t need other people visualizing me totally blowing out my lady parts.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times