Ahhh pregnancy, and all the wonderful things that come along with it.
First, the preggo brain and the bloating.. and eventually, all perception of gravity and stability evaporate as well.
So far i’d done pretty good at not beating myself into oblivion, not falling over or running into things (and i’m usually a pretty clumsy person anyways), but today is proof that I did not escape the preggo clumsiness trait.
A friend of mine came over to visit today. Of course, Holden was groping all over her boobs, but that’s beside the point.
She asked me for a glass of water. I needed more water anyways, and had an empty can of rootbeer on the side table (mmmm rootbeer), so I pick all the crap up and make my way to the kitchen.
Not even three steps into my journey- I step directly on Holden’s helicopter toy.
Usually i’d just scream an expletive and be on my way, but this particular helicopter has a hole in the top to put balls in and it plays really ridiculous music.. my foot happened to go straight into said hole and get stuck.
Did I mention the helicopter has wheels on the bottom?
Can you imagine what happened next?
With the other foot firmly planted, foot stuck in helicopter goes rolling forward. Both of my hands are full so I can’t grab onto anything, so away rolls my foot.
Preggo doing the splits. My knee slammed into the ground, helicopter goes flying, water goes splashing- I grimace in pain and embarrassment. I am NOT a super flexible person.. so my va-jay wasn’t feeling too awesome after that either.
I’m lucky I didn’t break my damn neck. How i’ve avoided doing something like that for Holden’s entire life I have no idea- but that was bad. My knee is red, black and blue and painful.. and now I fear falling over the crap Holden constantly throws around the house. Especially when i’m HUGE and clumsy. I might feel fat, but i’m not nearly as fat as i’m gonna be.
If only my friend had been filming.. I would have won 10k on America’s Funniest Home Videos hands down. The sound I made while falling into the splits in slow motion probably would have clinched it.
Hindsight is 20/20!
When the Get-Along Shirt Doesn’t Work goo.gl/fb/5f4aDV
Whenever your kids make you feel stupid, just remember that you had to teach them how to wipe their ass.
Every. Single. Time. pic.twitter.com/aAAWWjdrN3
I'm either "I HAVE 3 FRIES LEFT DON'T TOUCH MY PLATE!" or "Please take this so I can't eat any more of it!" There is no in-between.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK