This blog has been a desert wasteland lately, and I have good reason.
For the first time in his life, Holden is violently ill. When I say VIOLENTLY, I mean it. Think: The Exorcist projectile vomiting scene. Color and everything… well.. the color matches what’s coming out of his ass and not so much his mouth.
I’ve dealt with baby spit up, probably more than most.. but baby VOMIT is a completely different ballpark.
While putting Holden to sleep last night, he vomited all over Thomas (who claims it smelled like alfredo sauce… ew.). I hear Thomas yelling for me, I walk in Holden’s room, turn on the light- and they’re both covered in chunky white puke.
Now, this didn’t seem totally abnormal. Sometimes Holden gets upset when he doesn’t want to go to bed and works himself into a frenzy and pukes- so of course I just assumed it was an isolated incident, helped Thomas change both of their clothes and Thomas tried putting him back to sleep only for it to happen again..
3 pairs of pajamas later, a puked on bathroom mat, puked on socks and shirts and hoodies… we knew something was wrong.
And it wasn’t just puke, it was all of Holden’s lunch and dinner and stomach bile, and dry heaving.
I don’t want to say it’s ‘lucky’ that this happened at night time, but it kind of was.. Holden went from screaming and vomiting, to straight-up PASSED OUT. Out cold. And he didn’t have a fever, so I started thinking food poisoning. We all ate the same thing though, so wouldn’t Thomas and I be sick and puking too?
When it started to get REALLY bad, I decided it was time to call the pediatrician. Of course, when you call the pediatrician, you have to jump through flaming hoops to actually talk to ANYONE who can actually help you, and it’s never the actual doctor- just a nurse making generalizations.
She tells us it’s the stomach flu. Still baffles me since Holden has NO fever whatsoever, and he doesn’t spend time around other kids- so where did it come from?
Then it hits me (much like the puke hit the floor), my brother’s girlfriend’s snotty (yet cute) little girl. That girl is ALWAYS boogering on something- and she’s a daycare baby.. and she licked all over Holden’s sippy cup… and while I THOUGHT we had scrubbed it- maybe we didn’t?
Damn germy babies.
So this nurse gives us this ridiculous list of things to do, tells us he’s ‘highly contagious’ (YAY! Projectile vomiting is just what I want to be doing while taking care of a toddler!) and that he could have the runs for a week, too. AND that the puking could last from 12-24 hrs. Joy.
Holden had started the puking at around 9:15pm. At 2am he finally passed out for the night. When he woke up in the morning (later morning than 2am anyways) he seemed fine. He was his cheery self, wasn’t dry heaving.. so I went back to be assumption it was something he ate.
During breakfast he crapped his pants, nice solid poop (yes i’m referring to poop as nice.. you’ll understand why in a minute). I sit him on the potty to see if he’ll pee.. and he diahrreas in the potty. He gets TWO TREATS. Good boy, I say..
Not even 30 minutes later I smell something rank wafting through the air. I check the back of his diaper only to see that shit has creeped up all the way through his shirt.. through his pants.. through everything.
And when I say shit, it is by far the WORST shit he has ever had. Green, chunky, boogery, smelly.. I honestly had to talk myself through the diaper/clothes change in order to not vomit everywhere.
Throughout the day.. he had a couple more shits just like that one. I caught them quickly enough to where he’d only dessimate one article of clothing instead of the entire outfit, go me.
He refused to touch lunch.. and puked on himself afterwards. Puked WHAT?! He didn’t freaking eat. I guess I might not call it ‘puking’.. it was like.. one of those burps where stuff comes up and you try desperately to swallow it before letting it all go… except Holden didn’t swallow it. He screamed and cried and I ran his ass to the bathroom thinking he was going to vomit everywhere. He screamed like he wanted to (those waves of nausea are never fun) but didn’t.
Did the same thing when Thomas got home, too… and then didn’t eat dinner, his favorite! Hot dogs!
You know there’s something wrong with Holden when he won’t eat. The kids a fatty, he loves food– not today.
He went to bed tonight without upchucking his non-dinner on Thomas… i’m praying for no more split-pea-soup filled diapers tomorrow. I really don’t think I can talk myself through one more of those.
To sum it all up: MY POOR BABY!!! Tomorrow is going to be a day of force-feeding him pedialyte.. sounds like fun, huh?
Best compliment you can give me is to tell me you hope your future kids turn out like mine. I mean, you're lying, but it's a nice compliment
Where you should be spending your Saturday night twitch.tv/holdinholden
How you win at parenting pic.twitter.com/vFxCsfqmh7
The "Best Mom Friend" is like a unicorn. If you have one, tell her THANK YOU. Most of us are stuck w sanctimommies holdinholden.com/2017/09/the-…