One should know that when they talk at length about something they DON’T want to happen.. it’s most likely going to happen, tenfold.
Classic case of getting ‘jinxed’, or as I like to call it at times: ‘fucked’
And that’s exactly what happened to me. Stomach flu X 10.
Just as Holden was feeling a little better (still diapers full of runny shit) I started getting that tight ball in my stomach, that feeling you get where you KNOW in time something is going to be coming back up.
For some God awful reason, I thought it would be a good idea to force myself to eat lunch. A decision I would regret later on. I only made it about halfway through when I realized it was a bad plan to begin with. I guess I was sort of treating it like a hangover, put food in your tummy and you usually feel better. Not so much with the stomach flu.
As open as I am with the ‘poop talk’, the most I can say is my ass was throwing up for most of the day already, and every part of me was hoping it would stay ONLY coming out of that end.
Shortly after lunch, though, I found myself running to the bathroom a few times thinking I was going to puke (from the mouth) only for nothing to come up. That’s one of the worst feelings, needing to puke, but nothing happens.
I was not disappointed for long.. and once it started.. it didn’t stop.. for 14 hours straight.
FOURTEEN HOURS. What the fuck, immune system???
While i’m glad Holden didn’t get it as bad as me, i’m still pissed I got it 3 times worse.
After puking/shitting well into the morning, I begged Thomas to stay home the next day to help me with Holden, as I knew i’d be in no position to be chasing him around, keeping him out of things, and cleaning up pea-soup diarrhea filled diapers. He begrudgingly agreed.
I finally stopped puking at around 5-6am (at this point I was delirious and had no idea what time it was) and fell asleep. Thomas let me ‘sleep in’ for a little bit before he started complaining about his stomach.
Great, now all three of us have this nasty shit.
I’m expecting him to start puking, and that his day to be home and take care of me was going to take a turn for the opposite.. but no.. no puke ever came. Figures.
Not to downplay a man’s sickness, but let’s face it- their pussies when it comes to being sick. One little tummy ache and it’s the end of the world, yet we can be (as a friend of mine puts it) “with our heads in the toilet bowl and still have to fend for ourselves, the kids and everything else!”
Now, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Thomas sucks as a caretaker.. he certainly doesn’t. He did most of the watching after/feeding Holden, but my pukey shitty self did a hell of a lot too.
He ended up feeling fine by that evening and eating McDonalds while i’m trying to choke down chicken noodle soup (which was an improvement over the beef broth I had earlier that day).
Why can’t my immune system be like that? Buncha bullshit if you ask me.
It seems that Holden is sort of in between the two of us when it comes to whose immune system he’s ‘inherited’ (if those things are inherited). Didn’t LUCK THE FUCK OUT like Thomas, but didn’t end up face down in the toilet for 14 hours either.
In summation: Fuck the stomach flu! To hell! I’m almost tempted to homeschool Holden just so I don’t have to deal with him bringing that nasty shit home ever again. Key word being almost.. which also means: never gonna happen.
When the Get-Along Shirt Doesn’t Work goo.gl/fb/5f4aDV
Whenever your kids make you feel stupid, just remember that you had to teach them how to wipe their ass.
Every. Single. Time. pic.twitter.com/aAAWWjdrN3
I'm either "I HAVE 3 FRIES LEFT DON'T TOUCH MY PLATE!" or "Please take this so I can't eat any more of it!" There is no in-between.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK