Today during Holden’s nap time, my cell phone started ringing obnoxiously loudly right in his ear. Immediately I hit the silent button, and notice the caller ID said it was my OBGYN calling.
I knew right away it was about my yearly ‘checkup.’ I lost my appointment card about 2 purses ago, but I knew the appointment was in February.. some time in February. I actually thought i’d missed it.
Once Holden woke up and I checked the message they left- I was informed the appointment is tomorrow, at 9am. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Thanks for the notice, y’all! A week in advance would be nice. A day? After a year? Lovely.
Going to the gynecologist is never a fun experience. I love my doctor, she may have snipped me.. TWICE… but she delivered my child safely, and she’s a cool chick.. but that doesn’t mean I enjoy her poking around my snatch and cold hands on my boobs. It’s ALWAYS awkward. Even during pregnancy, where I was getting poked and stuck once a week I never got used to it.
It’s the MAIN thing I do not miss about being pregnant.
Last year’s yearly was obviously easier, I didn’t have a mobile child.. I didn’t really have a schedule that I like to stick to.. the nurses could just take Holden in the other room while I got checked. Now? He’d try to play with needles and eat cleaner.
I’m betting he’ll giggle while i’m squirming uncomfortably. He’s just that kind of kid.
My boobs hurt already, “PMSing” (I hate that term), so getting checked for breast cancer is something i’m dreading the most. Cold hands, kneading my sore tits- HOORAY! While my kid runs around the room tearing shit apart and giggling at my expense.
Sure, it’s a necessary evil, but does it ALWAYS have to be when my boobs hurt?
Ew.. what if I start my period tomorrow? Will they have to reschedule? I’m sure it’s nothing they haven’t seen before (being that they deliver babies out of bloody vaginas all the time).. but OMG how awkward for me?? I think i’d have to call and cancel if that shit happened. That’s a little TOO humiliating. I do not want my OBGYN earning her red wings from MY cooch. Pass!
At least it’s only once a year… if I HAVE to look at the bright side. And Holden loves people.. unlike last year when as soon as my doctor walked in the room, he took one look at her and screamed bloody murder. That was fun times.
It would be much better if it wasn’t at 9 in the freaking morning.
I wonder if va-jays have morning breath?
HAH! Is it sad that i’m laughing at myself?
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times