The past few mornings i’ve woken up with intense headaches. By intense, I mean the kind that make your face feel like it’s going to melt off.. and because of the pain in your head, it makes your stomach sick. It’s not been a pleasant week.
At first I thought it was from all the stress that came with moving and unpacking, but all of the action has calmed down since we’ve really started getting everything in order (by in order I mean in trash bags by the door. Not full of trash, but crap we don’t ever use. Freecycle here I come!)
Then I thought, maybe it’s because Holden’s been a mega-turd this week. He’s pushing his boundaries, exploring a new house.. tearing shit apart, trying to get into my kitchen cabinets presumably to eat bleach and all kinds of other things any normal toddler would do. Mix that in with a LOT of screaming and a LOT of tantrums because i’m constantly having to pull him away from the things he shouldn’t be fucking around with and he is never pleased when I do that. He also really hates when I use the word ‘no,’ but likes to use it in response to anything I say, while stomping his feet. By the end of the day, all I want to do is collapse into bed and pass out, hoping the next day will be filled with laughter and not screaming.
That explanation seemed to make sense to me. Whose head WOULDN’T hurt after a day full of yelling and screaming and stomping and chasing?
This morning I awoke to an even worse headache, coupled with a ridiculously sore jaw. With how tired I have been lately, all the yawning i’m doing does NOT feel good.
No, I haven’t been giving massive amounts of blowjobs- gimme a break.
I’ve had TMJ since I was a kid. I can remember waking up to a fabulous case of lockjaw, and having to pound my jaw back into the joint to be able to fully open my mouth. Fun memories, those ones!
Only in the past year have I realized that I grind my teeth. Not only in my sleep, but awake as well. How I never realized it until now is beyond me, but it’s the sad painful truth. I tend to clench my jaw, constantly, and since I have an overbite from sucking my thumb like a fiend as a child that braces somehow failed to correct, it makes it easy for me to weirdly grind my jaw back and forth without even realizing it.
After I suspected that i’d been grinding my teeth, I made a conscious effort to STOP clenching my jaw. This made a huge difference in how my jaw and teeth and face felt. Then, when i’d drink and fall asleep on the weekends.. i’d be in one of those half-awake half-asleep states and hear this God-awful sound, only to have Thomas nudge me and tell me I was grinding away.
I realize I could have gotten one of those mouth guards… but i’m stubborn, and I hate dentists, so that’s just not gonna happen. Once again, I made a mental note to STOP GRINDING MY TEETH AWAY, and for the most part it worked…
Until now. It must be worse than ever because seriously, my face aches. All I want is ONE satisfying yawn, and it’s not gonna happen. Unsatisfying yawns have to be the worst. Even typing yawn is making me want to yawn and I can’t yawn without hurting myself and wanting to yawn again.
Don’t tell me you didn’t yawn while reading that paragraph!
What does this have to do with anything? Nothing really. Just something else to bitch about I guess.
MAYBE, if I grind my teeth enough.. i’ll have to get veneers and get fabulous Hollywood teeth.
Don’t think Gary Busey.. those things are scary. Think all the other perfectly straight gleamingly white smiles you see on TV. Most of those are veneers, and I want them.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times