Does not play well with others

It makes me sad to say that Holden is not socialized with other children hardly at all. There are occasions where he sees his older cousins, and on occasion his younger cousin Preston (my brother’s son), but other than that it’s usually just me and him hanging out.
I’ve tried to find playgroups in the area, and somehow mine is pretty damn barren. I found one while I was pregnant, but I couldn’t even gain ACCESS to the website they’re based on to find out anything about it. You have to MEET and be APPROVED by the moderator to be accepted into the group, and no one ever even bothered getting back to me. I understand being safe, but going to such great lengths to meet other moms and kids in the area isn’t worth it to me. I can easily go to freakin’ babies-r-us and meet moms way more easily.

I always get nervous when I know Holden is about to be around other kids. Not so much the way older ones, but the ones close to his age. He doesn’t know his own strength and I fear him body slamming someone. He’s pretty good at sharing, as long as he’s ASKED for the toy and it isn’t snatched out of his hands. All hell breaks loose when that happens.

Today was no exception to the rule. We went to visit my brother at his new house and this weekend is his weekend with Preston. Preston is becoming more and more mobile by the minute (he’s almost 11 months old), and more cognitive of his surroundings, so I knew there might be a little clash when it came to toys and territory. Usually Preston has no problem with someone taking a toy away, or running around near him.. but the older he gets the more territorial he becomes.
It could have been an off day for him, seeing as he has an ear infection, is teething, and has a nasty diaper rash.. but it definitely didn’t go well.
He was absolutely terrified of Holden. Any time Holden came near him, he immediately crumpled his little face up and started crying. Holden was actually doing pretty well around him, he didn’t try to hit Preston, pull his hair, or snatch any toys away (there were plenty of toys to go around, and a lot of room to run around like a hellion). He did, however, stand INCREDIBLY close to where Preston was sitting. We’re talking.. crotch to head, less than an inch away. The only thing I worried about was Holden turning too fast and whacking Preston upside the head with a toy, which almost happened numerous times.
If anything, all Holden really wanted to do was to be NEAR Preston.. even give him a snuggle or two, and point at his hair and nose (his new favorite things to do to just about everyone).
Still, Preston wanted no part in playing with Holden. Weird that the child who is socialized 5 days a week in daycare acted ‘worse’ around another child than Holden who is rarely socialized.

Honestly, I think Holden might just be intimidating. He is a BIG kid. He even made my 2 (almost 3) year old niece cry for absolutely no reason.
I sure hope he isn’t that towering scowling kid in highschool who everyone is scared of and the teachers put on the “black list” because they fear he may blow up the school one day, when really all he is, is a lovable teddy bear who’s misunderstood.

Only time will tell I suppose.

Posted on February 8, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • I thought he did really well today even though he wanted to get into everything that he wasn’t supposed to. Normal I guess.

    I hope that he can keep up the progress that he is making in the way of sharing and being gentle-ish around other children. No one wants the kid that hits everyone and ends up getting in trouble too much.

  • I feel like I am missing out on socializing Emily even though we have friends with kids a little younger than her, but it’s so much stress and work to supervise them. I guess it’s selfish on my part because she seems to have fun, but I get too exhausted from trying to make sure she doesn’t hurt other people’s babies for hours (not to mention the every-5-minute temper tantrums from giving the toys she stole from the other kid back). And the other mom will always say it’s okay and to just let Emily just explore…but I’m thinking “yeah, it’s okay until she head butts your 8 month old and blackens her eye.”

    I can’t believe Preston is almost 1! It seems like you just posted the newborn pictures from the first time you got to see him.

  • I feel that way too. We went to thanksgiving at my grandparents’ and we literally chased him the ENTIRE day. He was oblivious to the other kids taking things from him but they threw absolute FITS when he took things from them. Just not a fun situation to be in.
    I know he SHOULD be socialized.. just such a pain to actually do it.

  • It is getting much harder at this age too! Before, Ally could careless if another kid took a toy from her. She’d just find something else to play with. Now, she totally freaks out bc the toys are becoming increasingly familiar and she’s(like you said about Preston) becoming increasingly TERRITORIAL.

    It sucks!