Peep funk

Never did I imagine that in Holden’s first two years of life he would develop a funk in his nether-region so strong it would make a grown man grimace. With soft baby skin, baby wipes, and cold weather- it doesn’t seem like there are the right components for his taint to smell like a grown man’s after working out in the summer heat.. but somehow.. to put it lightly- he stinks.

I blame it partially on potty training and partially on myself. Without potty training, he’d get wiped down at every diaper change, which would alleviate any kind of funk from forming. Now that I sit him on the potty, and the wipes are in the other room, unless he actually USES the potty he doesn’t normally get wiped down. TSK on me. I really need to move the wipes container to the bathroom and scrub that funky smellin’ peep down every time he gets off the potty.

Then again, think about it this way- MEN don’t wipe when they go pee. They shake, put it away, zip up, and go. I can’t imagine that EVERY man has peep-funk just because they don’t wipe down their balls with a baby wipe after using the bathroom, so why Holden?
Now that i’m actually putting thought into it, it’s most likely because he’s running around in a damp diaper, and urine SMELLS. So rubbing urine around on your lower parts for a while, which are usually pretty warm anyways, is conducive to making that area stink. Badly.

Really, all of this could just be solved if the kid would START USING THE POTTY AGAIN! Give mommy a break! It seems that Holden is starting to think that ‘potty time’ is ‘book time’, because that’s ALL he wants to do. I read him one, he picks up another and shoves it in my face saying “THIS! THIS! THIS!” until I read it to him.

Kid needs to learn to multitask. He can listen to me read him a book WHILE expelling urine and releasing his bowels. Don’t most men read while taking a shit anyways? You’d think this would be second nature.

Posted on January 19, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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"Water Bugs"

In previous posts, i’ve talked about how I live in a total crap hole at the moment (for only about 2 more weeks, yay!) The longer I live here, the more I hate it.
The old owners may have been lazy, but at least they cared about the people who live here. The new owners… don’t care about anything but money.

We have roaches. We’ve always had roaches. Sometimes they go into hiding, but they are always here.. waiting for the perfect moment to pop out and strike.
Ever since maintenance came and carved a hole in our ceiling because the toilet upstairs was leaking shit water into our kitchen, and NEVER CAME TO REPAIR IT, the roaches have been in full attack mode.
Bigger (we’re talking about 2 inches long), and angrier. These bitches JUMP.

It’s not just us getting hit by them either, it’s our friends right next door as well. Since we’re connected, they just go back and forth between us.. never really going away.
We both called the office to complain, and both got a visit from the exterminator on the same day (even he thought the hole in our ceiling not getting fixed is ridiculous). He calls the roaches ‘waterbugs.’ I do not believe that for one second. They sure as shit look like ginormous roaches to me. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, right?

So the guy sprays the kitchen, then sprays the neighbor and leaves. Soon after I put Holden down for his nap and the neighbor starts frantically calling me. I can’t answer the phone because Holden, the perpetual light sleeper, will not allow me to have phone calls during sleepy time- so I text Thomas and tell him to call the neighbor to see what’s going on.
A few minutes later he texts me back saying “Heather says roaches are pouring out of her utility closet and wonders if the same thing is happening to us.

Immediately I get the heebie-jeebies. I glance out the bedroom door (which is upstairs), just waiting for a swarm of roaches to come crawling towards Holden and I ready to feast on our flesh (can you tell i’m scared of roaches?) I’ve lived in houses before where i’d be sleeping and suddenly get pegged in the head by a roach falling off of the ceiling onto my freaking face, so I think I have the right to be a little paranoid.

Once Holden’s nap is over, we go down to inspect the damage. I only find about 4 roaches, one alive and kicking, 2 dead, and one being torn apart by my wonderful cat. We didn’t get it as bad as the neighbors, who killed over 20.. and when you kill them, they STINK.
Still, 4 is enough, considering their size. And since then we’ve found a few more trying to make a quick escape. Ew. Shit ain’t right!

The funniest (or maybe most frustrating) part of it is that later that night we were outside talking to the neighbor about the roach infestation, and the property manager walks up and tries to start a confrontation. She went as far as to try and claim that the only reason WE have roaches is because we have a hole in our ceiling. A hole THEY have left in our ceiling for over 2 weeks.
A) she’s dead wrong, we’ve had roaches since day 1.
b) you can’t justify a problem with a problem YOU created in the first place, dumbass.

Ohhhhh, I really hate this place. I can’t freaking wait to move out!!

On a lighter note, I received a check in the mail from my oral surgeon for $94.00 for overpayment. Woohoo! Maybe Karma has decided to finally give me a break.

Posted on January 17, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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Reading things in the correct context on the internet is an incredibly hard thing to do. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone is being sarcastic, joking or serious.. or even talking about you specifically.
I’d like to think i’m a pretty good judge of context, but i’m not totally innocent in this matter. There have been many times while reading something online where i’ve thought to myself “wait.. is he/she being serious? is that about me? what the fuck? what did I do??”
only to overreact to the situation and find out I was wrong. They were joking.. or not even talking about me at all. This leads to feeling like a total moron for ever assuming instead of just asking, or just knowing they weren’t being serious in the first place. You still can’t help but to be a little mad, even if they flat out told you what they really meant.. you’re still a little sore about the situation- and then feel even worse because you should be over it and can’t stop thinking about it. Or maybe that’s just me. I tend to harp on things a little too much, seems to be my nature.

More often than me reading context wrong, people seem to take my words out of context. I’m not sure why or how it happens so often- I like to think that i’m pretty straightforward with my thoughts, but people seem to take me seriously when i’m joking.. Seem to think i’m talking about them when i’m not.
I’m always flabberghasted when this happens. First is the confusion stage where I think “huh? when did I say something about you? That’s not what I meant!” and then, for some odd reason I can not figure out comes anger. Getting angry at someone for being angry at you has to be the most pointless thing in the entire world. It serves no purpose, and definitely doesn’t help to rectify the situation.. but it sucks when someone takes your words completely out of context and thinks you’re just being a total cunt when you aren’t. I always assume people know me better than that, sometimes they do, most of the time they don’t. This results in a long overwhelming explanation of what I actually meant that shouldn’t have been needed in the first place, but I give anyways because the last thing I want is people twisting my words and getting upset angry or hurt over something I never said or didn’t mean.

It’s a ridiculous situation altogether. Getting hurt over nothing, or someone getting hurt over something you ‘said’ but didn’t actually say.

There will never be a world without drama. As much as we hate it, it keeps things… interesting… if that’s the word for it. I’d call it annoying- but if you want to look at the bright side, at least we aren’t constantly bored, drooling in a dark corner with nothing to do but play with ourselves. And without drama, there would be no reality TV. As trashy as it is, it’s the guilty pleasure of millions (if not billions) of people.

We should all save ourselves the pain and hassle and fighting and stop assuming altogether. When you assume, you make an ass out of u & me. GET IT?!? Ass-U-Me.. HAH!
Easier said than done. Jumping the gun seems to be the favorite pasttime of just about everyone I know, including myself.

What can you do? Just gotta deal with it as it comes I suppose. If you ever find yourself in question of something i’m saying.. you’re probably taking it the wrong way. I’m nothing if not blunt and honest. I pride myself on that fact. It might make me a bitch, but it shouldn’t ever leave you wondering about what I meant in the end, and doesn’t that seem like a better option?

Posted on January 7, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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The saga continues

You’re probably wondering if we got the house or not..

The answer is yes and no. The house is ours if we want it. We go in tomorrow to talk about the house, everything that goes into it, repairs, rent/mortgage all that fun stuff. If we decide we want it, we put our 2k down then and the house is officially ours.

There are really only two concerns left.

The first being the concern that once we go to get financing in a year to officially purchase the house, that our mortgage will skyrocket to the point that we really can’t afford it. Taxes in our city are the highest in the area. Why? I honestly do not know. Most people don’t want to live here if at all possible. It isn’t as bad as people say.. but some areas are not nice. I’d more expect the taxes in the city over to be sky high since everyone and their mother wants to live there. It’s safe to assume that what we’re going to be paying in rent is far less than what the REAL mortgage will be- and that’s worrisome. We can afford a little more, but not a LOT. So we’re going to have to have an in depth conversation about that tomorrow.

The second concern, of course, is the trust fund. It figures no one would be able to get a hold of the shady douchebag estate lawyer to verify that the money exists and that it’s mine (and my brother’s).
While I knew the situation was messy, I had no idea just how fucked up everything is. Be prepared for your head to hurt, I know mine does.

I finally got in contact with the people at the commissioner’s office in charge of my mother’s estate today. They are not happy. Not only has nothing been filed since ’05 (which I knew), they have no paperwork that says my brother and I are the beneficiaries of the estate. Nothing. The trust fund, as far as I know, has not even been set up. The money is still floating around the estate waiting for the trust to be set up. Problem? The paperwork, obviously, that they need.. but there is also NO trustee. No one to oversee the trust fund. Apparently that job was my grandmother’s, and when she died.. it disappeared. The estate lawyer has it, but since he has been completely non compliant- no one else does. I got asked all kinds of questions about why my brother and I were paid half of the trust fund in ’06 because they don’t have the freaking Will and have no idea that we are officially entitled to it, and that’s how it’s set to pay out. If they don’t get that paperwork, we could be in trouble.. and it isn’t even our fault. Obviously, no other money can be doled out until that crap is set up.. and since there’s no trustee and no paperwork.. it’s all up in the air.
The Hail Mary might be my Dad, who never trusted the estate lawyer and has the original copy of the will in his files (so he thinks). Thank God for my Dad, right??
Without proof that I am the beneficiary entitled to the money, the down payment I was planning on putting down for the house is non existent to anyone but me. Which means our mortgage payments would be over 1k, which we were not planning on.

The court is so upset, in fact, that tomorrow they are issuing a summons to my aunt (the executor of the estate). If she doesn’t get everything done in 30 days, she’ll have to go to court and explain why to a judge and most likely get in an assload of trouble(which is not fair to her because it isn’t her fault that the lawyer won’t give her the paperwork needed to finish this crap). This is all because my grandmother (edited because I got a fact wrong) laid a lot of the work on douchebag lawyer, who’s been sitting with his thumb up his ass for years and never returning any calls. If it were me in charge, i’d have gone to his office and fired his fat ass and taken the paperwork to someone who would finish it in a TIMELY MANNER. No one was to know when he was hired that he wouldn’t do the job he was PAID to do. That just seems totally unethical. How is this guy still in business?

Now, i’m not trying to be a conspiracy theorist here, but the court also hasn’t received receipts of any of the checks written from the estate. Money essentially coming out of my brother and I’s pockets. They have no proof that the checks that have been written are valid, that they actually went to who they claimed they went to. How ridiculous is that? Could douchebag lawyer be skimming off the top? I wouldn’t put it past him.

I just don’t understand HOW this got so messed up, and i’m pissed that right now it might fuck me over.

Bunch of ridiculous bullshittery if you ask me.

Today has just been a weird day all over. We couldn’t get into the house to show my dad.. the combination to the lock box didn’t work. That sucked. My dad is much more picky and notices more than Thomas or I so it would have been nice for him to be able to scour the house before our meeting tomorrow.
Then, Holden choked until he was blue in the face. I have never been so scared in my life. We kept trying to pull food out of his mouth only to find there was more in there and he just KEPT choking. I don’t even want to think about it, I never want that to happen again.. and I think i’ll most likely have nightmares for the rest of my life about it. He’s fine, thank God. He’s probably forgotten it by now.. I don’t think Thomas nor I ever will.
If you’re pregnant.. or thinking about getting pregnant, take a child class. Even though most of it is common sense, I can not stress how important it is to know how to get food out of a child’s throat, how to perform the heimlich maneuver.


Anyways. We should know by noon tomorrow is the house is ours. Then my obsession with watching house flipping shows will finally be put to good use. Or bad use.
I may have to restrain myself.

Posted on January 6, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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Tomorrow is D-Day again

No, i’m not getting more teeth pulled from my head.. although, since I got my wisdom teeth pulled my mouth has been hurting a lot. Could be that ‘decaying tooth’ in the back of my mouth, who knows.
ANYWAYS, Tomorrow is D-Day in the fact that tomorrow we should find out whether or not we get the house we want.

A lot of factors go into whether or not the house will actually be ours. The normal things like other people who are interested and our credit.
The main thing that could swing it either way is our down payment. I have 2k in my savings to put down right away (although I would rather not), but the other 8k i’m planning on putting down is tied up right now in my trust fund.
Yes, I said trust fund. Yes, I have one. It’s not anything to gawk at, but it’s enough to put down around 10% on this house.

The problem lies in the fact that my trust fund is totally screwed up. When my mother passed away, my grandmother was made executor of the estate. Meaning she was in charge of tying up all the loose ends my mom left behind. She couldn’t handle the load, so she signed up my aunt as co-executor. I’m not really clear on what happened. Then my grandmother passed, so my aunt was left being the executor of the estate.
When she took back over, things were already messy. Taxes hadn’t been filed for two years.. things just weren’t being done by the estate lawyer who’d already been paid in full.

This leads to problems now, because if the taxes aren’t filed, and things aren’t closed out- no money can be given out. I don’t think so anyways.. correct me if i’m wrong there (it would make me feel better).

The company we’re working through is fine with not getting the extra 8k right away, as long as they get it before we buy the house (in a year). I worry that they’re going to call the estate lawyer to confirm that the money actually exists, and the lawyer (who is basically a shady douchebag) is going to mess things up for us. I don’t know what he’s going to say. That the money isn’t available? That there is NO money (heads will roll if he says that because that would mean a substantial lump of money disappeared in the past 3 years).. I’m really not sure what’s going to happen.
Best case scenario would be that he says the money is there, and once the estate is finalized it’s free for the taking (of course it’s a tad more complicated than that, but i’m simplifying so I don’t have to go into length.. boring length).

Obviously, i’m worried. If things had just been done correctly in the first place this wouldn’t be an issue, but the fact that they’re so screwed up is worrisome.

I even went as far today as to call the county clerk to see WHAT exactly is holding this whole process up so I can light a fire under SOMEONE’S ass and get this done. There technically should already be a huge fire lit considering it’s against the law to leave an estate like this, to not file taxes and all the other things that are supposed to be happening that aren’t.
She couldn’t tell me much.. other than what I already knew. Nothing’s been turned in since ’05. I asked whose fault it was. She said the executor, who would be my aunt. Which is different from what my aunt is saying- she’s blaming the lawyer. I agree that the lawyer is at fault. In order for my aunt to FILE the paperwork, she has to GET it from somewhere.
I got re-directed to another lady who was supposed to be able to give me more info.. of course she did not answer, and did not return my message. Guess who’s getting another call tomorrow?

Can nothing in life ever go smoothly? I mean, really. Come on. ONE little break here or there would be nice.
I’m back to crossing my fingers that IF the company can even get ahold of shady douchebag lawyer tomorrow (that’s another problem altogether), he keeps the process moving and doesn’t screw us out of a house, because other than making phonecalls I have NO power whatsoever to do anything but sit here and hope it all works out. Shitty.

My nails do not appreciate all the biting going on, that’s for sure. Wish me luck.. It could not be a better time to get out of this townhouse. We’ve had an influx of HUGE roaches.. and still no one has come back to patch the hole carved in my ceiling from the leaky toilet.. that they claimed to re-seal and did not, it still wiggles. UGH!
Get me outta here!!

Posted on January 5, 2009 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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