Poo fright

Have you ever been in a public restroom alone, sat down to pee, had someone else walk in and suddenly just not be able to tinkle? You concentrate and try to push that pee out, but nothing happens because your bladder suddenly gets shy due to the fact that someone else might be able to hear your stream hit the water?
It’s happened to me too many times to count. Not like I really care about peeing when someone else is in the room but can’t see me- when you gotta go you gotta GO.. and i’m not one of those girls that slips a squeaky fart out as soon as I start peeing- so there’s really nothing too embarrassing about it. My bladder disagrees, it seems to have stage fright.

Holden seems to have a case of ‘Poo Fright.’ This week is the first week where he’s actually pooped in his mini-potty (YAY!), but there are conditions that come along with his bowel movements. You can be in the room, you can be sitting two feet from him.. But the one thing you can NOT be doing is looking at him while he’s trying to push a turd out.
I’m still in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of Holden pooping and/or peeing on the potty, so of course when I hear him start to grunt I get super excited and look over at him.. in return I get the look of death ‘Don’t look at me while i’m POOPING!!!’ and he stops all bowel movement. As soon as I stop looking at him, he resumes happily pushing.

I can totally understand not wanting someone staring you down while you’re trying to rid your colon of crap- although Holden definitely does not understand the concept of embarrassment yet (obviously, he loves running around naked from the waist down with his peep dangling for anyone and everyone to see).

I guess I should just thank my lucky stars that potty training is moving along swimmingly (almost literally, HAH!), and that Holden finally seems to actually enjoy potty time, and understands that i’m not just sitting him on a plastic torture device for me own personal enjoyment.

Definitely doesn’t look like torture to me.

To go a tad off topic, this weekend is the first time Thomas has actually been home to witness Holden go #2 on the potty, and I don’t think he quite believed the absolute disgustingness that is cleaning baby turds out of a mini-potty. He probably thought I was exaggerating.
So being the awesome wife that I am, when Holden dropped a deuce and Thomas was around- I announced HE would be the one to clean it up while I went to get Holden a potato chip as reward.
And what did I hear coming from the bathroom? “OH MY GOD! EWWWW, THE SMELL!!!! THIS IS DISGUSTING!”
Ahhh, the sweet smell of satisfaction.

I think having to clean out the mini-potty is the ONLY downside to potty-training i’ve encountered so far. Everything else is pretty fabulous. That, and the potent smell of baby shit wafting through the air downstairs. Two words: It lingers.

Posted on December 6, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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Toddlers can not be trusted

Toddlers are evil diabolical geniuses. Planning and plotting your downfall. Have you seen ‘Family Guy’? Small children are just like Stewie, with a dash of Cartman from ‘South Park’ thrown in for good measure. Rubbing their chubby little hands together and giggling as you run around after them and pick up toys they’ve flung across the room (probably at your face).

Today Holden got me all excited and jumping up and down and giving him a cookie because he took a pee in the potty. Then he wowed me again later by peeing and pooping in the potty minutes after I sat him down (his normal routine is to make me wait about 15 minutes before doing anything, if he decides to do anything at all). This was all part of his plan. Once he pushes his nuggety turds out, he says to me “Done!” (which sounds more like ‘duh,’ but I know what he means). So I ask him, “are you done pooping?” and he replies “Done! Done! Done!”
So, I pick him up off the potty, make a huge deal about his poop and pee while trying not to gag, clean out the potty and wipe down his butt and give him a potato chip for being such a good boy.. and then put a diaper on him.
Not five minutes later, he’s running around downstairs and this putrid smell comes wafting across the room and offends my nose. I look over at Holden, who is grinning like a madman and I just KNEW what he had done. Pooped in a fresh diaper right after pooping on the potty. Lifts me up and then slams me to the ground! I cursed the sky and changed him again. Evil little child.

Toddlers simply can not be trusted! They lie, steal, and cause an enormous ruckus.. mostly just to get attention. Maybe to just make you look stupid. You never know what’s going on in that round little head of theirs.

And then he spilled my tea all over the floor.. for the second day in a row. Which he thought was totally awesome until I locked him in his playpen with no toys. Take THAT!
I’m fighting poop with fire.

Maybe Babies are not human at all. Their evil little aliens implanted in your uterus, hell-bent on making your life totally insane. They have hidden cameras and video tape your every ridiculous move, making short movies of the stupid faces you make at them to hear them laugh.. and then transmitting it on a show on their evil baby planet called “Stupid Human Tricks.”

Posted on December 4, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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