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No Experience Required, Just common sense

Before Holden came along, I had ZERO experience with babies. Not a single tiny minuscule bit. As a child, I didn’t like other children, so I never babysat. Never changed a diaper. I think I fed my baby cousin a bottle ONE time, that was the extend of my ‘experience.’
Hell, before Thomas and I actually started dating (instead of messing around like a bunch of morons), I didn’t even WANT children.

Whoever said that when it’s your OWN children it’s different, was exactly right. I still can’t stand other small children (usually the ones around the ages of 3-6), with Holden it’s just different. I always laugh at my friends who say “I don’t EVER WANT CHILDREN”.. because I know someday they’ll find themselves in a precarious situation where a piss strip has two pink lines and they’re shit out of luck. Anyways, that’s not the point.

I’m not sure why it’s an assumption that it takes a lot of experience to be a ‘good parent’- that those who have had hundreds of hours babysitting will make better ones than those who haven’t.. In my opinion it just isn’t true. It may make someone more prepared for what’s to come (blow out poops, projectile vomit, etc etc), but not necessarily BETTER. I’ve had babysitters who sucked at taking care of me.. so the theory is flawed.

What it takes is a shit load of patience and regular old common sense. And in my case, a hell of a lot of googling.

When you first bring your child home from the hospital (assuming you have no other children to go off of), everything is new and confusing. The first diaper change might be kind of confusing “Which side is the front? Where the hell does this sticky tab go? How tight am I supposed to fasten it?” But it’s all relatively easy to get the hang of. You fall into your own groove. And no ONE groove is the ‘right’ groove. The world would be a strange place if we were all raised exactly the same.. and who doesn’t love a good ‘crazy family’ story every now and then?

If there’s any dire questions you must have answered, trusty Google will always be there to help you out. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure a baby out- although, with a baby, confusion is never far behind.
There are things I still haven’t figured out.. like.. Why does Holden eat lint off of the floor? Why does he poop in a brand new diaper? Why does he throw his sippy across the room and instantly want it back? Why does he instantly go for the cat’s tail and not some other part?
The list could go on and on, but that just comes with the territory.

Of course, there are some people who I think just should NEVER EVER procreate- but I won’t go into that. What i’m trying to say is any person with common sense can take care of a baby. You just have to WANT to take care of someone. It’s tedious, time consuming, and sometimes (ok.. a lot of times) downright frustrating.. but if crazy drugged out hippies from the 70’s can do it (ahem: Mommy)- you can too.

Aww, look at me, being all motivational.

Posted on December 5, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 8 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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8 Comments

  • Aw! Have you ever thought of becoming a motivational speaker?! 😉

    Amen on Google. Love it!

    ITA, there are people who just shouldn’t procreate but you can’t stop them from pouring flame on the fire. Just gotta let ’em get burned! On the other hand, it really sucks when the kids end up with parents who act like they don’t even care!

  • bahahaha can you imagine?!?!

    The people who shouldn’t have kids are the ones who have NO trouble getting pregnant multiple times unfortunately. No one ever said life was fair, right?

  • I can see you on stage with Holden in the background chewing on the stage curtains! “Hello, my name is Jenny. This is my little turd, Holden. He’s going to show you what kids will put you through on a daily basis(at least for this age range) should you consciously or unconsciously decide to have any of these little…” LOL

    Yep, that’s how it is for most people that shouldn’t have them for one reason or another. We were married in Feb 05 and then I went off the pill 18 months later. Took us 14 months to get pregnant with Ally. Considering that, I can’t decide when I should get the Mirena removed. Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. For ME, the more distance between their ages, the better! We could probably do the 5 years and just say whatever will be, will be after that(not sure what D would say but whatever lol)!! 😛

  • Google is the perfect location to find everything that anyone ever wanted. I can literally find anything on it.

    There are people who say, “I will never want kids” and mean it though. Take my brother and his wife for example. He basically got castrated at the age of 25. Literally, vasectomy and cauterization. Never to spew forth children.

    I have this conversation a lot, people whom should not have children end up being the people getting 17 kids! A lot of them end up doing it for the money. Take my mom for example. She wants to have a foster child… two actually… for the MONETARY reasons. That’s terrible.

    Money rules the world. I believe my family rules mine.

  • I totall hear you on this blog. Unfortunately, when they hand you your child at the hospital, there is no personalized manual telling you step-by-step instructions on what to do. But I guess that is what makes parenting fun! 🙂

  • It was motivational! I still question my soon to be mom skills. I’m not a big fan of 99% of children, but my amazing child will be here in just about 49 days! WooHOO! p.s. I was like “aww Jenny is so purrrty I want red hair like her!” BAD idea! It cannot be copied! I look like a crayon!

  • Aww I think you’ll be an AMAZING mom! For many reasons (I could list them all if you’d like 😉 )

    haha I tried dying my hair myself at first.. bad idea. Had to get it professionally (and expensively) done.. bleach, and two dyes later and it looks pretty good 😉

    I think you’d look really good with red hair! you’d probably look good with any color hair… bitch.. <3333 haha

  • I always laugh at my friends who say “I don’t EVER WANT CHILDREN”.. because I know someday they’ll find themselves in a precarious situation where a piss strip has two pink lines and they’re shit out of luck.

    HAHA that’s probably going to be me one day. You know, the girl that’s shit out of luck. But for now, i’m avoiding that situation altogether. Haha.