The words “Natural Birth” alone make me want to run for the hills. It is not something I would ever in a million years want to attempt, hell, I don’t even want to think about it.
The epidural is my best friend. I don’t think that makes me a pussy, it just means I don’t want to push a huge mass of baby out of my snatch with no pain medication to help me along.
I can vividly remember being pregnant and watching all the birthing shows on TV and literally not being able to make it through an episode where a woman was having a natural birth. Blood, afterbirth, screaming, I can all deal with.. but the sheer look of excruciating pain and panic on a woman’s red vein-bulging face while trying to force a child out of her body and feeling the entire horrible thing wasn’t something I could handle watching.
Since I was induced, once my labor kicked into high-gear, my epidural didn’t exactly kick in fully until Holden was well on his way down my birth canal. The pain I felt is not something I EVER want to experience again, and i’m pretty sure the epidural was somewhat helping at that point.
Even worse would be when I had to have not one but TWO episiotomies to help Holden’s fat head pop out of me. Luckily, I didn’t feel it since I was given a local anesthetic right before my OBGYN snipped me.. the thought of that happening sans medication? NO FUCKING WAY. I may have literally passed out.
Natural birthing was never even something I considered. Not once. I’m a big fan of pain medication.
Now that i’ve given birth, the thought of medication-free labor and birth to me is even more of a totally crazy idea. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with it- if you want to tear your snatch apart and shove a bowling ball out of you without help.. go for it. Just don’t invite me to the labor room. Don’t make me watch a video… Don’t recount the horrid details of how your snatch tore and you felt the entire thing like ripping off a bandaid. Ew.
Home birth, water birth, natural birth.. I’ll pass on the whole lot of them.
I’ll stick with my horrible evil epidural, thank you very much! Hell, I even hope it works BETTER next time so I don’t feel a DAMN thing until my baby is safely in my arms.
Oh god that just made me remember having the placenta tugged on via umbilical cord until it came sloshing out into a bucket. Yeah… I definitely don’t want to feel that.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.