I can’t write about the rumors on ‘sex after marriage’ as opposed to ‘sex after baby’ because.. well.. I was pregnant when I got married (that’s another story for another blog entry)- so i’ll just stick with what I know.
There are plenty of women whose sex drives are not effected by having a child, i’m sure there are some who have even more sex after pushing the proverbial watermelon out of their snatch- for most of us moms, that’s just not the case.
There are a lot of factors that add to less sex after having a child.
I always saw those TV shows with women claiming they were “just too tired” to have sex- when clearly it was just an excuse not to do it. Once you have a kid- this becomes truth. You literally are just too damn tired to do anything. The thought of sleep becomes much more appealing than doing the dirty. I don’t know about other moms, but I get excited to snuggle up in my warm covers and drift off to creepy-dreamland (my dreams are very very strange since having Holden, don’t know why). It’s funny that as a child I never wanted to go to sleep and now I almost can’t wait for it.
For the first few months of Holden’s life, he slept in a bassinet right next to my side of the bed (yay me!) To me, the thought of having sex with Holden laying right beside me was just too creepy to go through with it. Even after i’d healed from being cut twice to push his fat head out- and the urge was actually strong to have sex, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want Holden waking up and laying there ‘watching’ his parents bump uglies. While I knew he was just too young to even comprehend what was going on- the thought got inside my head and totally messed with me. I think we may have had sex ONCE with him in the room, I did not enjoy it… and not just because it felt like I was a virgin all over again.
That’s another thing- pain. I’m extremely grateful that my OB didn’t stitch me up looser than a 40-year veteran pornstar.. the fact that she stitched me up so damn tightly seriously effects sex these days. Sadly, I still haven’t gotten ‘used’ to sex. It took me so long after losing my virginity to actually be able to ENJOY it- now it’s as though i’m starting all over again. Feeling like i’m being torn apart any time Thomas and I get down, definitely makes a girl a little reluctant to want to do it in the first place.
Once Holden moved into his room, it was definitely a relief not to feel like beaty baby eyes were watching me all the time… but then the baby monitor started ruining the mood.
Picture this: you’re in the middle of a ‘moment’- things are going well, you don’t feel like your snatch is being torn in half.. and you hear “WAAAAAHHHHH” come billowing ominously through the baby monitor. Instant mood-killer.
You have to stop what you’re doing (unless you want to screw through a baby crying… and that might make you a serious freak (and not in a good way)), HOPEFULLY wash your hands (please don’t touch baby with nether-region fluid covered hands), and do whatever it is you do to get baby back to sleep. No matter how short or long that takes, the moment is officially ruined. It’s hard to get back into it after that. It feels almost forced to jump right back into the swing of things after you’ve soothed an innocent child- dirty even.
It’s even worse when baby just won’t go back to sleep and you have to bring them into bed with you. A bed you were just getting nasty in. A bed you wish you were still getting nasty in.. and instead you’re snuggling up to your crotch-fruit.
I’m so paranoid about it now that I find it hard to enjoy sex, i’m constantly looking over at the monitor just waiting for Holden to cry- and about 8 times out of 10, he doesn’t disappoint. I swear he knows when we’re doing it and is crying ‘pleeeaaaasseeee don’t make me a sibling!’
Even if none of that is a problem for you (i’ve read about girls screwing while their kid is IN BED WITH THEM, or IN THE SHOWER WITH THEM.. ew), the lacking sex-drive may be. A lot of moms I know have problems with their libido. It’s not that you don’t want to have sex, it’s that you don’t want to have sex. How I miss the days of wanting to do it constantly.
I’m sure all of this is a lot harder on Thomas than me. That’s what he gets for knocking me up!
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.
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WHY WOULD I LIE pic.twitter.com/kEmQYtl1mi