I never enjoyed being licked by a dog, always got creeped out when I kissed someone who used way too much tongue.. licking my earlobe or neck? Vomit, out of the question. So to say that I dislike saliva is putting it lightly.
There are so many disgusting things I got used to since becoming a mother. Getting peed on (a frequent occurrence in Holden’s earlier days), accidentally getting poop on my fingers while trying to wipe down Holden’s dirty butt.. even getting spit-up on (a gallon at a time at that)- all things I can handle (although the poop under the fingernail might make me heave just a little).
Drool is just not one of them. And when I say drool, I mean baby drool. I’d hope Thomas wouldn’t be the one drooling all over me (that’s not to say it hasn’t happened before).
I don’t know what it is. The incredibly slimy stringy consistency? The seemingly endless amounts that pour out of my child’s mouth at all times of the day? Maybe it’s the fact that Holden enjoys drooling all over his sticky little baby hands and then wiping it on me. Who knows, but all of it makes my skin crawl.
Piece of advice: if you have a drooly baby- do not play airplane with them.. where you lay on your back and fly them right over your face. As fun as it is, it comes with consequences. It is, to put it simply, a BAD idea. Before you know it, a long string of clear vomit-inducing baby drool will soon be making a bee-line for your face and it’s just too fast for you to move out of the way. SPLAT, right in the eye. Or even worse, your mouth. It doesn’t taste good, trust me.
Though I know Holden is teething- which causes him to be a bit of a drool factory, I sort of thought we’d gotten past the worst of it. You know what they say about assuming…
During Holden’s nap (he’s down to one now, ugh), my favorite way to put him to sleep is to just let him lay tummy down on my stomach, face resting comfortably on my chest. I’ll admit it- I love to snuggle with him, and the older he gets the less he holds still long enough to do so with him.
I think it was Wednesday, he’s passed out on me- sucking away at his pacifier, and i’m knee-deep watching all hell break loose on my soap when I feel my (non) cleavage area get very warm. At first I think it must be sweat- because let’s face it, having a 27+ lb baby sleeping on you causes your sweat glands to start working at full-force.
Then it hits me.. it’s drool. Massive amounts of sticky slimy wet disgusting drool slowly creeping down my chest. I put my finger to his mouth and realize that somehow, drool has covered his binky and is pouring out the sides, covering me, my shirt, and my boobs in slobber.
What can I do? If I freak out, i’ll have a very upset child who most likely won’t go back to sleep once i’ve woken him. Frantically, I start looking around me for something small enough to fit in between his face and my chest to try and wipe myself down with before I puke all over his head. The only thing within reach is the bra I wear to sleep (don’t ask).
Oh well, it’s gonna have to do.
So there I am, wiping down my boobs and Holden’s face with a bra. Shameful moment in my history.
I must be a glutton for punishment because the same thing happened every day for the rest of the week. And every day, I wiped his face with a bra.
I probably shouldn’t ever tell him this story- but you know me.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.