For those of you who have not showered with your baby- you’re seriously missing out!
Since I never breastfed, I never got to experience the ‘bond’ a lot of breastfeeding mothers talk about- in a weird way I think showering gave me that skin to skin contact with Holden that I was missing because I chose to formula feed. Not only that, but it killed two birds with one stone.
Scratch that, three.
Holden got the crusty puke cleaned off of him, I got the shower I so desperately needed, and (as I said), I got skin to skin contact with Holden.
When he was tiny, it was so easy to shower with him. He’d just lay there in my arms and wonder why I was trying to drown him (I wasn’t, of course.. but that’s the face he always made), but soon he grew used to it and even enjoyed it. He’s just like me in the sense that we both love scalding hot water. There were quite a few times where he even got so relaxed he passed right out.
As he got older, he obviously got MUCH heavier and I had to find new ways to hold him while I was showering without him slipping out of my arms and cracking his baby head on the side of the tub. The weight and the fact that he was soaking wet and sliding all over the place on my hip made it incredibly difficult before he could sit on his own.. little did I know that his mobility would add even more obstacles to the process.
The sitting part was fine- i’d just wash him off, sit him on the ground and he’d peacefully play with his toys until Thomas came to get him. Once he started crawling- he wanted to explore the tub and ended up slipping and sliding all over the place like a blind baby snake monster. We immediately went out and bought a non-slip mat to go on the bottom of the tub, but honestly it doesn’t really help very much. Holden is what I like we like to call ‘accident prone.’
Now, with him walking (and honestly ONLY wanting to walk), i’ve considered stopping our showers together… but without our showers I don’t think I would actually be able to take one. There’s just no time. If I take one after he goes to bed, I risk waking him up because of how lightly he seems to sleep these days- and no way am I taking my chances and showering while I leave him downstairs. Who knows what he’d get himself into.
Shower time consists of me holding him for maybe 3-4 minutes trying to wash him off and him battling with me while trying to attack the water spraying out of the shower head (no, Holden, you can’t GRAB water, sorry), or trying to pinch my nip.. or biting my collarbone and shoulder.. or pulling my hair and then trying to eat it.. then he spots his toys hanging in the net, and his little floaty-boat toy he got for his birthday sitting at the back of the tub and immediately wants down. As soon as I put him down, he’s gone. Crawls straight through my legs, gets himself to standing position and starts pulling everything out of his toy-net and throwing them at me.
This is where I start to panic. The net is at the front of the tub, right near the faucet and the drain switch.. and all I can think about is him toppling over and poking his little eye out, cracking his head open.. busting teeth out of his mouth.. all kinds of terrible things that could happen if he were to take a header into them. I don’t know why my mind immediately goes to the morbid, it’s just the way I am I guess.
So I start yelling for Thomas to immediately come and get Holden before he impails himself, and poof, shower time is over.
I think I might just have to shell out the cash and baby-proof the freaking shower. Move the toy net… something so that I can continue mommy-baby-shower-time (and yes, i’ve been peed on many times if you’re wondering, never pooped on… knock on wood!)
I really can’t imagine giving up shower time until the day that Holden is standing there staring at my snatch and says “Mommy, why don’t you have a peepee like mine???”
Vaginas are nifty and all, but I don’t want my kid staring at mine and pointing it out like it’s the cool thing to do.
That day, and the day I walk in on Holden wacking off into a sock.. are two days I wish never to come!
ETA: for those curious, I do not have an orange mullet upon leaving the salon haha. My stylist didn’t even mention the messages I sent her.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.