I remember when Holden was younger, reading posts made by other moms with babies the same age about their children constantly grabbing at their poopy diapers as soon as they came off.
Holden never did that, and I sort of giggled at the posts- and considered a bullet dodged.
Chalk it up to one more thing I was wrong about.
Holden apparently has jumped on the “I wanna play with my poo-filled diaper” late. About 8 months late.
He’s never really had an interest at all with his diapers.. Clean ones, sometimes- he likes to grab them and carry them around the house like they’re buried treasure, but when he’s on the changing table he’s more interested in yelling at me for cleaning his butt with a cold wipe than grabbing at the diaper i’ve just taken off of him.
This week is a totally different story. As soon as his (surprisingly bad smelling) poop diaper comes off- his hand goes directly to his diaper. I, of course, start freaking out because I don’t want him putting his hand in crap and then trying to eat it like a delicacy like he does with lint or old wrinkly peas that I miss during dinner cleanup- so he crinkles his face and then tries to touch his poo-covered butt. Not just once, but over and over.
It’s not a fun situation, i’m trying to clean him and get him to stop from covering himself in gag-inducing baby crap at the same time, and he’s getting mad because I won’t let him.
I started pondering why he’s just started doing this now as opposed to when he was under 6 months old like other babies- and I think it could be because his crap has changed consistencies from runny ‘baby poop’, to sticky gross corn kernel filled ‘toddler poop.’
I’m sure it can’t be comfortable to have a huge nug of nastiness stuck between your cheeks- but why try to touch it?? Just let mommy do the dirty work and dig it out of your crack- simple as that! Maybe I could just hand him a wipe and let him go to town- but I think the results would be horrifying at best.
Or, y’know.. He could poop in the potty when I sit him there during his regular poop time, and we could alleviate this problem altogether! Knowing Holden, he’d turn around, reach his hand into the potty and scoop the poop right out to play with. Ew.
Roadtrip me takes joy in watching the kids panic as the life drains from their electronics. Yes, I brought chargers. They don't know that.
9yo: My nose is drowsy Me: You mean running? 9: I guess I mean my eyes are drowsy Me: So, you're tired? 9: No Me: .. 9: .. Mondays are hard
Frying pans. Who knew, right? pic.twitter.com/usSQcFGpmI
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
That’s right, by “Peep”, I mean PENIS. or more specifically, baby penis. Something I never thought I would have to deal with (since I desperately wanted a little girl), and was not prepared with all that comes along with it.
Once I found out Holden was a boy, immediately I become totally creeped out. Why? The thought of his little baby peep rubbing all over my uterus. Trust me, I know it’s a weird thing to think about, but when you’re pregnant you’re crazy- and you think about crazy things. That is my only explanation for that one.
The decision on circumcision was a no-brainer for Thomas and I (a lot of people relent over it). I have never seen an uncircumcised penis in person, nor do I ever want to.. and I certainly didn’t want to be pulling back foreskin to clean the head all the time- or teaching Holden to do so once he got old enough. I’ll pass on the pig-in-a-blanket thank you!
Did I feel bad about 1 day old Holden getting his peep skin cut off? Sure, no one wants their child to be hurt- but it’s better to do it before they can remember it.
Since I was on bedrest in the hospital, I never saw Holden’s uncircumcised penis.. I never even got the chance to change a diaper until I got home, needless to say I was very squeamish about seeing his pained little peepee in all its’ glory. The only thing the doctors really tell you is to put petroleum jelly on the head to help in healing, make sure their PENIS DOESN’T STICK TO THEIR DIAPER (ewww, horrifying!), and so the feeling of cold air on something that’s been so warm all the time doesn’t hurt them.
His ‘wound’ from the circumcision wasn’t as nasty as his creepy black umbilical cord stump, so I quickly got used to dealing with his peep and it healed pretty quickly.
What I was not prepared for? Two main things:
Baby boys get erections. Obviously not for the same reasons as adult males.. but they get them- and they’re creepy. And you’d better watch out when the peep starts perking up at full attention, because you’re about to get pissed on. I didn’t think i’d have to deal with Holden getting any kind of boner until I inevitably walked in on him masturbating into a sock during puberty.
It gets worse..
I started noticing that Holden’s peep was looking.. well.. funny. There was no definition of a head anymore. Just a lot of skin, and a tip. My brother, who has a son 6 months younger than Holden was visiting one day and during a diaper change I happened to ask him if he thought Holden’s peep looked weird (i’m sure this story would completely embarrass Holden) and he replied that it did in fact look funny. That’s when I realized that something definitely was wrong with Holden’s peep.
Immediately I asked a girl on the mommy-board I post on who is a nurse what was going on.. and she told me something that has most likely scarred me for life:
Holden’s circumcision had reattached.
I had no idea it was POSSIBLE for that to happen. It’s actually very common. When doctors do circumcisions, they don’t want to cut too MUCH skin.. so they leave a little excess for baby to essentially ‘grow into.’ It makes sense I guess.
Apparently I was not being firm enough at diaper changes with this excess skin.. and it proceeded to.. well.. adhere to itself. Are you cringing? I am.
Even more disturbing was the action I had to take in order to fix this situation. I had to take Holden’s poor little peep between two fingers on one hand.. and tear the skin down with the other. The thought made my stomach turn- but the last thing I wanted for Holden was to have a disfigured penis because I was too much of a pussy to fix something I myself had let happen in the first place.
So I did it. And I could feel the skin pulling apart. Like pulling two pieces of tape apart. Holden didn’t flinch one bit- but the job wasn’t done. I had to do it again to fully get the skin un-attached. He wasn’t so pleased this next time, it even bled a little. Broke my heart, but I was so happy his penis looked normal.
Happy until it re-attached again… and then again one more time after that.
Being extra firm, was not firm enough. You have to be MEAN with the excess skin, as much as you want to be gentle.. you just can’t be.
Do I regret having a circumsicion done on Holden? Hell no. I’m just glad he didn’t have to have ANOTHER one done due to me not being mean enough to his peep (yes, that happens too).
Am I still creeped out by his baby peep? Sure am. Penises are weird enough to look at in adult-form. Mini-penis with excess skin trying to pee on you is doubly weird. Like a mutant pinky finger. That pees.