My ovaries might just explode

One reason I really miss being pregnant: no period. I have almost always had incredibly BAD cramps. I consider myself to have a pretty decent pain tolerance, and some months I would double over in pain due to my ovaries wanting to burst.. but nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to post-pregnancy period cramps.

It literally feels like someone taking their hand, shoving it into my uterus and squeezing as hard as humanly possible.
My cycle is so whacked out (always has been, again, even more-so since giving birth) that I never have any idea when my period is even going to come, so it was an unpleasant feeling to wake up this morning and immediately want to curl up into a ball and die.

Of course, I also happen to be fresh out of midol.. and we all know tylenol doesn’t do a damn thing to help- so I knew i’d be miserable all day. If the weather had been better, i’d have made a run to the store to get some.. but running out in the rain with a heavy baby and bad cramps didn’t appeal to me at all.

I also made a very bad decision to work out despite the pain my stomach was in, only because I knew i’d be guilty later if I didn’t… i’d rather have the guilt. Doing reps of over 5 kinds of crunches when it already feels like your lady-parts are in a vice grip? Not smart. I should have done what any other respectable woman does on her period- eat chocolate. Sure, my stomach might be upset and i’d poop it out a few minutes later (I won’t even go into period poops), but at least I wouldn’t have intesified my cramps ten-fold.

I would have liked to just slept the day away- that obviously isn’t an option with a 1 year old running around tearing the living room to pieces… so I did the only thing I could do: Turned on Spongebob.
Did I feel bad about rotting my kids brain? Yeah kind of… but I didn’t think I had any other option. I had zero energy to try and entertain him while listening to 80’s music and I knew Spongebob would preoccupy him (he loves that weird yellow bastard). Surprisingly, he didn’t stare at the screen for as long as I thought he would.. but he did constantly make pit-stops while running around to stare blankly for minutes at a time.

By 6 o’clock in the evening, I was feeling so sick I thought I might actually throw up- so Thomas getting home was an absolute Godsend (Holden was also screaming because I wouldn’t give him my sweet tea). He took Holden to the store and I dozed off on the couch.. only to be awoken to Holden trying to tear my nosering out of my face. Awesome.

The only positive is that my period is about a day shorter than it used to be (YAY ONE DAY!!!!).. so I know it will be over in a few days and I can go back to chasing Holden around and watching him ‘dance’ to Ah-Ha and Lionel Richie, and falling over because he loses all balance while shaking his head around like he’s special.

Right now I still feel like dying.. and am looking forward to being pregnant again (in a few YEARS) because I won’t have to deal with getting my period for 9 months.
Sure, i’ll have ‘morning’ sickness- that shit is nothing compared to the ovarian-hell of passing a freaking egg through your fallopian tubes. Who knew something microscopic could cause so much pain?

Posted on November 14, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • I wouldn’t know.

    But, I do feel your pain. We will venture out to the store again this weekend, in order to fulfill the shopping list. Maybe, if you’re nice, we will get some Midol. ;o)

  • Ugh, I hate periods. I’ve been lucky not to have a full one since the postpartum stuff. I just get lots of cramps sometimes. I had them really heavy before having Ally, so I am totally not missing it now!

    I hope Thomas is nice and let you get the Midol. Who am I kidding, I’m sure you will get it. Otherwise he will have the deal with the consequences!! 😛