Since I mentioned ‘baby talking’ yesterday, I figured it would be the perfect topic to write about tonight being that it’s pretty fresh on my mind.
To me, baby talking your kid is the equivalent of feeding them paint chips.
How exactly is “awww wittle beeebeeeeee booboo poo pooooo” helping your child to mentally grow? That’s not how I want Holden conversating with me once he’s actually able to. It’s fine for talking to dogs, maybe they think you’re stupid for doing it as they cock their head to the side and raise their eyebrows in confusion- but they’re never going to learn to speak in any language other than BARK, so what does it matter really? Babies are eventually going to learn actual language, so why impede that by talking jibber-jab to them? It might seem silly to try and have fully intellectual conversations with them (although I get a kick out of it), but isn’t it sillier to talk to them like they’re a puppy?
From all i’ve read, studies have proven that infants respond better to higher pitched voices- so it makes sense to talk to them in a voice that sounds like you’ve been sucking helium- it doesn’t make sense to talk to them like a voice that’s sounds like it’s sucked helium after being hit by a baseball bat.
I have always been anti-baby talking. I can’t stand when people do it to Holden, but to save myself from conflict I just bit my tongue. I knew Holden wouldn’t be around the people that do it enough to really dumb him down- but that doesn’t mean it didn’t get under my skin. I’ve also noticed it’s really only the older generation that still baby talks. I’ve yet to meet someone around my age who talks to Holden like he’s the family pet.
The older Holden gets the lower my tolerance gets for people baby talking him. He understands real words, maybe not all of them- but i’m surprised in how much he DOES understand.. so when someone walks up to him and starts spewing baby talk out of their mouth like diahrrea I have to clench my fists. I really want to say something, but i’m not sure how without sounding like an anal bitch. Just TALK TO HIM LIKE A HUMAN, he is one after all! Don’t click at him, don’t ‘beeebeeeboobooo lalalala’ at him- if it doesn’t make sense to you.. it doesn’t make sense to him. For all you know, what he’s saying could actually make sense in his toddler-brain, and you jibber-jabbering back is like speaking Russian. He doesn’t get it!
Maybe I should construct a sign and post it outside our front door that says “baby-talking free zone, violators will be prosecuted”.. or hell, make him a shirt that says it so it’s portable and EVERYONE knows not to do it no matter where we are.
I look forward to the day where someone bends down to Holden and starts baby-talking him and he backhands them across the face and says “Cut that crap out! Who do you think you’re talkin’ to??”.. knowing Holden, the ‘crap’ will probably be a ‘shit’- but I digress.
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